Visited by words

 

I am visited by words at night,

dreaming slight meanings from their

delivery,

 

speed

catch

quick

 

I must be frustrated

and then another folly over my mind

 

separation

loss

repeat

 

I must be seeing history repeat itself

 

short-comings

fear

anxiety

 

These are words the doctor once used to describe me when he told my father I had social anxiety.

You wouldn't know it now...but I do.

 

Once, when I was a child, a doctor said I was retarded, because I had not yet begun to speak

 

idiot

slacker

deviant

 

they ring in my mind again,

before I can wake up and put them in rational context, away from my vulnerabilities.