Lines and Bars

about self harm

The knife falls effortlessly into my hand,
Floats through the air with its seemingly angelic wings down and onto my once soft skin;
Now, the pain on my wrist....that's something I can control,
Now, the pain on my wrist,
It takes away from the pain in my life,
Now, that pain on my wrist....that's something I can control.......but, I wish there was no pain on my wrist;

The blood,
The blood that once pumped through my heart,
Now flows through my veins,
Through the cuts;
As it hits the air,
Leaks out of me like the happiness always does,
As it hits the air,
I wipe it away, with a washrag dampened with my tears,
Blood, thicker than water, tears soak up the blood, the saltiness hurts so good;

The scars on my wrist,
Horizontal,
Going up, as if steps to a ladder,
Leading right back to my hands,
Bringers of pain but they are still my hands,
Once those of a baby,
So innocent,
Now those of a.......

It's addicting;
I can't stop but I want to;
I want to stop, but I don't know how,
So I don't,
Scared and confused,
Alone,
Bloody;
Red has never been a favorite color of mine;

There is an emptiness in me where my everything used to be;
The pills fill that emptiness all too well; it's almost as if they've soaked into the inside walls of my body and they won't go away, but a part of me doesn't want them to because I'm too afraid of being alone.
I always seem to find a way to hate myself more and more and these little, little monsters help me with that pain because when they are inside me, I don't feel like me anymore,
I feel,
Good,
I think;

I come to these things because they are unable to tell me I'm wrong,
They don't tell me I'm a bad person and they don't point out my flaws the way life seems to be so good at doing,
I come to these things because I have nowhere else to go;
I am
Scared and confused,
Alone,
Bloody,
And my stomach hurts now.

Author's Note

Reviews and comments on how to make it better or what you like! Thank you