A Letter

A Letter

A Story by Jacoby de Alton
"

A letter in 1920 Ireland from a Son to his Mother.

"

Dear Mother,

    

     I know I have not written for some time. It has been hard with the Black and Tans so near to the home. I have something to tell you, but I do not know how to say it, or if I should wait to tell you in person. It is so hard to write this to you. But I do not know if I could face you in person.

 

     I am so sorry that I could not stop it. I feel so ashamed of myself. Danny did not make it. The Black and Tans came several days ago to question us about holding our rugby game. They said it was an illegal assembly. Danny tried to talk to them, but they beat him with their guns. I am so ashamed. I didn’t stop them. I just stood there. I know they would have shot me, but he was my brother. He kept shouting back at them, but then nothing.

 

     They made me watch my brother die, and I felt so much hate. I was so scared for how I shook. I thought I might attack them on the spot, but I held my tongue and waited, just like you told me what we were home. I do not know what to do anymore. Part of me knows where I can go. But I know you do not want me to do that.

 

     I think I have to. I’m going to go after I send this letter. They need men. They need me. They lost Danny, but they gained me. I hope I can make him and you proud. Maybe one day I will be able to meet him in heaven and we can finish our game.

 

I love you from the bottom of my heart, Mother. And I always will love you, just like I will always love Danny.

 

Yours forever,

 

 

Peter Neeson

© 2011 Jacoby de Alton


Author's Note

Jacoby de Alton
Made for my English final project. Apart of a larger whole. I really need reviews and suggestions of how to improve.

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I can feel the struggle you are trying to get across by making your sentences short, but I think it might be a little much when you use "do not" instead of "don't" as it makes it less real. In my opinion at least. Also, after "They said it was an illegal assembly. Danny tried to talk to them, but they beat him with their guns," you may want to add to the letter from son to mother about how Danny always tried to work things out, it was part of his kind nature or something. I would want to bring in memories from the past about Danny so the reader feels more of a connection with the dead boy.
This really was a moving piece, but I think you could make it so much more by adding just a few things.
I may be completely wrong, but those are my suggestions. Good luck!

Posted 13 Years Ago



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Added on May 11, 2011
Last Updated on May 11, 2011

Author

Jacoby de Alton
Jacoby de Alton

Anaheim, CA



About
My name is Jacoby de Alton. I'm an 11X Infantry recruit, shipping in August 2011. When it sounds right, say it out, and keep a sword on hand. more..

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