The Death Oboe

Concerns over a brewing alcohol dependancy.

Every day, around this Hour

The crescendo of beer cans

      asleep in the cooool, white refrigerator

becomes an overwhelming

      cymbal, shimmering in my head.

At first just a thin metal sound

While I mangle one lonely egg with a piece of bread

As the coffee pot huffs and steams in the corner

In the mirror, while I ply and doubt my flesh

        with a razor.

In the shower.

In the car.

When I glance at my book of poems,

      flat and dead on the hot dashboard.

Then it becomes an unnerving vibration.

It resonates from every decision in my life.

Sometimes I distract myself and mow the lawn

      and cut the engine, halfway through

        and measure out the value of my day,

              compare it against the immensity of heavy

                           blue sky above me,

      gauging the worth.

Just an insignificant peon, on a riding lawnmower,

              on a rectangle of

              freshly cut grass.

It's always around the same Hour

I crack the first beer and set it,      tilted,

on the lawnmower hood.

The mouth of the first bottle

     whispers a death oboe

                  in the steady breeeeeeeeeezzzzzeeeee.

Author's Note

The poem is entitled "The Death Oboe" for obvious reasons, but I selected an oboe because if you've ever drank from a beer bottle and set it down outside, it's not uncommon for the wind to blow over the lip of the bottle and make a sound like a reed instrument, or oboe.

Reviews

[Frieda P]

That's so strange, I just heard the 'phrase 'lawn mower beer' for the first time earlier today....it's in the Urban Dictionary, who knew? That said, this was an entertaining read. ;-)

[JacqMarie]

rare word. the part about the peon + riding lawnmower in the little square lawn made me laugh and made me think of Raymond Carver's style of writing. It has good voice! nice

[.]

~ oh... i know now... there's a lot of music in your poetry... instruments... percussion... the works... if this is autobiographical, i truly wish that you can transcend this dependence... i transcended substance abuse when one day i realized that life is a very serious love affair with life... and... i'm cheating by leaning on a substance... :P ~ besides, no one is insignificant... especially not on this site... :P

[James William Dyer]

Substance abuse has a stigma, and due to that and other nasties, it does effect my life in a negative way. But beyond that, I do not feel there is anything wrong with having an addiction. I've threaded multiple addictions together at once, sometimes I have none, but they are a reoccurring facet of my being and I've learned to temper them quite well. I think it's a civil rights issue, addiction management and addicts' rights.....but that's a conversation for another place and time

[.]

~ ah... well... i wasn't able to handle multiple addictions... coffee, tea and tobacco are tough enough to manage... the substance that i was addicted to was expensive... procuring it was risky... and... it made me very sluggish... i was operating at maybe 30% of my usual energy level... i wasn't too affected by the "stigma" factor... i'd been written off by all who knew me... so i wasn't expecting much anyway... i did expect help to give up the addiction but it didn't come my way... ultimately i helped myself... my energy level improved... life became simpler... etc. etc. ... i don't judge those who are addicted... and... i won't in the future either... i just don't like the idea of being judgmental...

[James William Dyer]

that's understandable. for me it is much easier to manage my intake and deny judgements from others. I am great with kids, care about my friends and family, hold down jobs reasonably well, and do not drive intoxicated, and am very trustworthy. I'd say for those who would judge me for having addictions, well maybe they're looking in the wrong area to make their judgement. A person is composed of an entire spectrum of things, and......i'm rambling, this topic is dear to my heart

[.]

~ i hear you... i hear your heart... it's in the right place... :)