Misty Midnight Eyes (Acrostic)

https://soundcloud.com/user-74706948/misty-midnight-eyes

Misty midnight eyes stare at empty skies

Illusions of dreams and joyful memories 

Dancing on dying stars draped in purple lace

Nightly swordsman slay the moon and birth the sun

Igniting the celestial potter's furnace --

Gathering clay turned on wheels of polished stone

Hearts delicately smoothed by crafter's fingers

Together burn in the light of a nova 

Author's Note

An Acrostic with 11 syllables in each line.

Reviews

[Relic]

The first two lines seem to convey what is unknown to the eyes. The rest of the poem reveals what's really going on out there. I think this poem goes a lot deeper than what may appear at first glance if read too fast without paying attention. It really is a great little poem with even greater images of another world.

[James]

I'm glad you liked it, its the hardest thing I've ever written

[Relic]

I did. I think your hard work paid off.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is a very nice acrostic. Not very "macho" though :)

[James]

I was just trying something new. Glad you liked this.

[Ana Papaya]

Very nicely done James. I'm looking forward to listening to this.

[Ruth]

I like the acrostic here, beautifully done :) A potent poem and I think acrostic is a beautiful form...I listened at SC also, nicely read :)

[James]

Glad you liked it and my reading of it, I wasn't sure about doing that.

[William Liston]

I love the imagery in this poem. It truly felt like I was dreaming as I read it. You've chosen a good title too; the similar starting sounds of "misty" and "midnight" as well as the rhythmical flow help to give it resonance ... I guess that's why it instantly caught my attention.

Overall with your dream-like imagery and meticulous adherance to structure, I think you've created a good poem. It sure does flow well, but that's not surprising since there's a uniform syllable count in each line.

If I may critique, I must say that although I can compliment how you paid attention to form, I think the fact that this is an acrostic poem takes away from the effect. If I were you, I'd make the spelling of "midnight" more of a subliminal thing, without the bold, capatalized letters at the start of each line.

I say this becaue (as I read it), the starting words disrupted the flow. Take these lines for example:

Illusions of dreams and joyful memories
Dancing on dying stars draped in purple lace

These lines run into one another, or in other words, the second line acts as a continuation of the next, but the bolded and capitalized 'D' in 'Dancing' really doesn't give that effect.

That's something you may want to consider for the rest of this poem. Overall, though, I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.

- William Liston

[James]

Thank you very much for your honest critique. I really di appreciate it.

[Jacob Clifford]

Clever spelling with the first letter of each line. The wording of this poem was very fitting for the theme.

[James]

Thank you Clifford. Glad you liked this one.