Darkness...

Night fall...

Darkness...

As the light of the day yet again ticks away,
the night and it's darkness settles into it's place,

The sun falls victim to the night and goes to hide,
while the crescent moon rises and takes the sky,
and smiles at everyone, as if to say " I'm back again "

Another day comes and goes as fast as a blink
of an eye,

With night and darkness playing there roll in,
our lives, people are ready to call it quits for the day,
and settle in for bed,

While doing so, evil lurks in the shadows,
the Prince of the air is surveying the land,
stalking and preying on souls to snatch away,
from the Almighty,

The eyes of darkness, are piled in every direction,
hoping to stumble upon those that are in limbo,
having every intention to pounce and bring a fallen
saint to the dark side,

While on the prowl, he views several upon there
knees bedside in prayer and his frustration builds
to a boiling point, knowing there is absolutely nothing
he can do while God is present,

Even the weakest of saints, while in prayer makes
the evil prince quiver,

Now more determined, the Prince of the air continues
his menacing mission, his head on swivel and blood
pumping like lava in his veins,

You have been warned,
keep God close at all times, there's no rest for the wicked,
the evil prince never takes a break, but he is a specialist
in the dark, he is the DARKNESS...

Author's Note

ALL GLORY AND PRAISE BE TO CHRIST JESUS!

Reviews

[wordman]

god made the day for man,and the night belongs to satan
but he put the moon for a night light for his people
great write james

[Jamestown]

Thanks for checking it out and your kind review!

[Ashley Dawn Proctor]

I love the flow of your poem .

[Jamestown]

Thanks for checking it out and your kind review!

[Dannyisawriter]

I liked the rhyming style you used

[Jamestown]

Thanks again and b-blessed!

[FireBird99]

This was very interesting. It felt very dark and powerful. Nice going and keep up the good work =)

[Jamestown]

Thanks for checking it out and b-blessed!

[FireBird99]

Your welcome. B-blessed right back at ya. =)

[closed]

In one way this uses biblical allusion in a way that works well

in another this seems like you took the fable approach

kind of like how ancient cultures used to tell stories

a pretty kool poem overall


-Dream

[Jamestown]

Yeah nothing biblical, just freelance writing! Thanks for checking it out and b-blessed!

[Saravanan Evu]

Well written... Keep writing!

[Jamestown]

Thanks for checking it out and b-blessed!

[Mai L Nissen]

Hey, JT.
I love the atmosphere in the beginning, quite tranquil. The first four lines flow so smoothly luring you into a sense of false security:
"As the light of the day yet again ticks away,
the night and it's darkness settles in it's place,

The sun falls victim to night and goes to hide,
while the crescent moon rises and takes the sky,"

In the latter part, I find this flowing beautifully as well:
"Even the weakest of saints, while in prayer makes
the evil prince quiver,

Now more determined, the prince of the air continues
his menacing mission, his head on swivel and blood
pumping like lava in his veins, "

This bit in between, however, seems a bit forced:
"hoping to stumble upon those that are in limbo,
having every intention to pounce and bring a fallen
saint to the dark side, "
It sounds like you put it in to make the story line complete. Perhaps you could say something along these lines:
"hoping to stumble upon those bewildered in limbo,
having every intention to pounce and bring a fallen
saint into the darkness, "
Just a suggestion, I am just not too fond of the 'that are' part (my suggestions may not be the best).

Otherwise, an enjoyable read! Thank you for sharing your work :) Great poem!

[Jamestown]

Thanks for checking it out and your helpful hints, will edit for sure!

[gorillarock]

this is an excellent poem! i love how you portray lurking evil in the night, playing on the instinctive fears of exactly WHY we are afraid of the night... the evil prowlers that are out to get you! of course, what a more fearsome evil than the "Prince of Air" :D do you try to write every day?

[Jamestown]

Thanks for checking it out and b-blessed!
yeah everyday is the plan but that doesn't always happen:(
Thanks again!

[Madhu]

The first few lines indicated darkness as in night and I liked how gradually towards the end it got described as the evil. No evil can linger in the presence of God. Nice writing :)

[Jamestown]

Thanks for checking it out and b-blessed!

[Nadia Gerassimenko]

It is a very interesting and powerful story. Even darkness cannot take the light of God and feelings for Him. And even those that are in between Heaven and Hell feelings, can still repulse Satan with a simple, healing prayer.

I did find a few mistakes or concerns (not story related, the story is wonderful!).
- "the night and it's [should be its] darkness settles in it's [should be its] place,"
- "The sun falls victim to [should maybe insert "the" here] night and goes to hide,"
- "Another day comes [insert "in" for better flow] and goes as fast as a blink of the [write "an" instead as you mention the eye for the first time] eye"
- "With night and darkness playing there roll in," can you explain to me this line?
- "The eyes of darkness, are pilled in [did you mean to say piled in?] every direction,"
- "While on the prowl, he views several upon there [it should be "their"]"
- I think you should capitalize when speaking about the prince to make him seem important and not just some random dude...so "The Evil Prince" and "The Prince of the Air"

GOOD JOB otherwise!

[Jamestown]

Thanks for checking it out and your helpful hints, b-blessed!