So you think you know me?

So you think you know me?

A Poem by JanieB

So you think you know me?



So you think you know me?

Wrong…

Do you ever listen to me?

Never!

 

I feel alone

I hate you, and myself

Get out of my life

Get out now!

 

I never want to see you again

I feel cold when you touch me

My body shudders when I look at you

Get away from me now!

 

The hate for you is immense

How could you hurt me so much?

Torture me, yet no one knows

Get out of my life!

 

When you are gone I will sleep

Sleep with no more fear

Walk the streets with a smile

I long for that day to come…

 

© 2012 JanieB


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Reviews

Packed with emotion. Pretty intense poem you got there. Nicely done.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Whoa! from what I've read I don't think I'd want to know the other, excellent write we need to get those feeling out and move on,
nice work.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Full of emotion! And man, oh, man can I relate. While I read, I almost felt as if I was the one being yelled at. Very real.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Full of anger and drama, felt the fear!

Posted 10 Years Ago


this is a really honest dark & powerful piece of work Jane but I do understand what sarah means when she speaks about the flow, & i tend to agree with jazique also when she speaks of how questions can often mess up the flow. Yet she adds you've placed your question just right. this is where i disagree. i believe the start would read far more powerful & confident if you start by stating & not asking. example:

You think you know me,
Wrong!
You've never listened to a word I've said.
Never!
this tells the reader from the start that you know your own mind and that of your partner, and you're sure from the start that you've had enough.

Verse Four - First Two Lines
you use the word 'THE' before the word 'HATE' and there's nothing wrong in that, but as all writing is about the power of the word as well as the use of language. the word hate is very powerful, but the use of the word 'the' before it is quite weak. it needs to be a word that is powerful enough to carry the word hate.
example:
My hate for you is immense
How could you hurt me this much?
D'you see what i mean? you're owning what you feel. the words 'THE' in the first line & 'SO' in the second line read as you being slightly detached from what you're saying you feel. yet change those two small words & all of a sudden you have complete ownership & control of both the poem & the partner you're aiming it at.

there's more that could be said of this poem jane & in a very positive & complimentary way because its so full of hurt & pain & controlled anger, and you've written it in such a beautifully honest & powerful way that the reader, in this case me, is able to feel that depth of hurt & pain & know that somebody at some point has destroyed you. & considering you have only been writing since 2010 that's pretty amazing jane. so congratulations mate cos you're a fantastic poet! don't ever stop!



Posted 10 Years Ago


I think this could have had a better flow to it, but it is a really strong poem with a lot of of great emotion behind it.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Superb write :))

Posted 10 Years Ago


Immense Intense powerful words, I feel like she's telling this to herself. Anyways the font went well with itself, its ashame that people feel this way every now and than, and over all this was really something. Also like the questions as the beginnning as touch, that stuff usually messes up a flow but, you placed it right not. Well done.

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on July 25, 2012
Last Updated on July 25, 2012

Author

JanieB
JanieB

Paphos, Europe, Cyprus



About
I started writing in October '10. A real new bee to this world of writing. I currently live in Cyprus, where I have been since 2005. I am British, and have spent many years living abroad. Please j.. more..

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