Driving through the streets of darkness

Driving through the streets of darkness

A Poem by JanieB

Please take heed..

 

Driving the streets of darkness

 

Carelessly driving the streets of darkness

Avoiding the pot holes along the way

Remembering what a fantastic evening

Idiots like me on the roads again

Nothing stops me when I’ve had too much

Gladly accepting one for the road.

 

Could be caught, and then what would happen

Arrest and sent to prison I dare say

Ridiculous we are and my fellow friends

I desperately try and concentrate

Never ending this long journey home

Gripping tight on the steering wheel desperate to get us all back safe.

 

Cautiously turning the bends now

Aware the passengers I am carrying

Raucous laughter in the back

Idiots are we I thought yet again

Never once caught on these roads before

Gladly we turn into home, safe at long last.

 

 

 

 

© 2010 JanieB


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I think this has a unique them to it. But I get confused as to whether it is meant to be positive or negative. IDK if that makes sense or not.I really like the first two sentences though.. they just seem to work.
3rd and 4th sentence of the first stanza don't transition very well.
Also you use awkward phrases some times, like idiots are we, but this I like b/c it shows that you are probbly drunk. I think you could probbly make this poem hilarious by writing it literally as if you were drunk. Ever heard of the quote "I swear to drunk I'm not god" Maybe you could figure out how to do that. Either way you should try to be a little more consistent in your tone, either have weird/funny drunk phrases, or be serious about it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

So true . If you are drunk and you have to drive, you curse yourself while holding the wheel and internally promise, you wont ever drink, not atleast when you have to drive. But the next time, you are in the same pothole.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Very interesting acrostic, reminding me of when I was younger and started realizing that perhaps it was not a good idea to drink and drive. (haven't done that in years)

But very, very good - keep practicing, keep looking for ways to make it tighter.

Posted 8 Years Ago


never drink and drive!!

Posted 8 Years Ago


As it has been said, interesting concept. I do like the perspective a lot. It is a new take on a pretty cliched topic. Thank you for sharing!

Now, I do have to ask about the lack of punctuation everywhere but the last line. It threw me off. Perhaps you could add it in or keep it consistent throughout? Just a thought in an attempt to help. JMO. Thanks again!

Posted 8 Years Ago


a honestly original and terrifying take on the inebriated with hands on the wheel~ it's obvious the narrataor is self critical and yet too overpowered by the mind altering libations to cease the deathly chance he/she is taking by driving while drunk~

Posted 8 Years Ago


It is a scary thought because the guilt will eat you alive if you wreck

Posted 8 Years Ago


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interesting concept..stupid thing to do..but I am sure everyone at one time has made a bad decision and driven when they shouldn't have..liked the way it was from the driver perspective..

Posted 8 Years Ago


Wow, I felt as if I was on a roller coaster ride. I kept sensing that a deadly crash was around the bend. Great job of building suspense for your reader. I always have this nightmare that i'm driving home drunk and i crash or get caught. This stirred that panic in me. Great job.

Posted 8 Years Ago


I think this has a unique them to it. But I get confused as to whether it is meant to be positive or negative. IDK if that makes sense or not.I really like the first two sentences though.. they just seem to work.
3rd and 4th sentence of the first stanza don't transition very well.
Also you use awkward phrases some times, like idiots are we, but this I like b/c it shows that you are probbly drunk. I think you could probbly make this poem hilarious by writing it literally as if you were drunk. Ever heard of the quote "I swear to drunk I'm not god" Maybe you could figure out how to do that. Either way you should try to be a little more consistent in your tone, either have weird/funny drunk phrases, or be serious about it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this, It's a good acrostic.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on October 27, 2010
Last Updated on October 27, 2010

Author

JanieB
JanieB

Paphos, Europe, Cyprus



About
I started writing in October '10. A real new bee to this world of writing. I currently live in Cyprus, where I have been since 2005. I am British, and have spent many years living abroad. Please j.. more..

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