You Thought

I found this, and believe it or not it was written for the same person I keep writing about.

"You Thought"

 

You thought you would be the one

The one I gave everything up to

You thought I would melt in your arms

And ask you to hold me closer

You thought I was a nobody

Before you fell in love with me

 

Author's Note

Tell me the truth.

Reviews

[J. A. Svercek]

Nice sentiment, I believe the energy is there, but it could be polished on an aesthetic level--it has the potential to be a richer piece, if that makes sense. One thing to consider when writing a poem is, how is what I feel original, how is it different from how everyone else feels, and on that vein how is what I have to say worth listening to? I'm not really hearing your voice come through because anybody could have written this, people feel like this all the time, but you're going to take the experience in a completely different direction, and that's what's worth reading about.

Thanks for writing,
J.

[.]

I would have to agree with Jake Svercek on this one. I think you have a good idea with this poem, enough tension with the main idea to keep a reader interested. As Svercek suggested, I would encourage you to do more with this poem. I think a place to start would be to add original images to go along with the story. What you have right now is the emotion spelled out for the reader. This is really the backbone of any poem and what will be driving the stanzas etc. If you are interested in going back over this poem, try to show the reader what you are currently telling them. That way they get brought into the work and are grounded in the world that you create. All with Svercek's point, having these images will help bring out your individual voice. What you currently have is good. All you might want to consider doing is allowing this poem to grow into something more than you thought it could be. This is just an opinion, and I hope it helps. If you'd like to talk about it, or if something I said doesn't make any sense, feel free to drop a line.

[XeRa KrUsE]

wow i know exactly how u feel babe