In the Shadow of Denial

There are things that we should know about ourselves. No matter how much we would deny them.

So here I am…

Squatting like an angelic gargoyle on a cathedral parapet. Feeling the weight of my dwelling above; pressing lightly, the air I gulp hungrily. The concrete below my unshod feet chills every bone in my aching husk. The shadows move queerly as liquid light drips rhythmically from a sputtering bulb near the cellar door.

Nausea tears at my viscera. I had insects in my pancakes this morning. The sensation jars my form in time with my quickening pulse.
The stone mason’s work surrounds me. Crushes me! I’m trapped inside this phantasmal force that is this chrysalis. The walls pulse and shimmer to the tune of nature’s saline solution in my eyes.

Bubbling, the skin of my fevered carcass pains me. I must shed this mortal coil. Let it go…

I reach with gnarled digits into my eyes.

Squishy…

In fiendish delight I continue to plunge into this mask and rend it with great vigor. The crunching and snapping fills me with great joy. Soon, I feel the flesh give way to something else. Like picking a scab, I pull away this thing that was my body.

Shouting in delerium, I hold my cadaver out at “arm’s” length. The shadowy being that I always was now gibbers in delight as I toss the old form away and spread my wings to fly.

The night is soothing… What new and terrible wonders will I witness with the violet eyes of a newborn devil? Such black miracles I will cause! For now, I know myself with an intimacy most fear…

Yes… You too are a creature filled with Darkness, Anger, Pain… I’ve now learned to accept and even revel in it. This gives me control.

What will you do when your Darkness leaps forth like a frightening demon, vying for control of your very essence? Only the weak will deny it and THEY are damned things indeed…

Author's Note

I had trouble finding the words that would express the visual component of this vision. If it seems frightening, imagine experiencing this dream as though real...

Reviews

[The Exception]

Reading the discription I felt "Wow, I hope it's what I'm imagining it to be like", and it wasn't, it was both more and less somehow. It was so dark it was hard to understand at times, for me. Yet at other times everything was crystal clear. I really like:
"The night is soothing… What new and terrible wonders will I witness with the violet eyes of a newborn devil? Such black miracles I will cause! For now, I know myself with an intimacy most fear…"
Especially the last sentence in that qoute, because it speaks the truth.
I enjoyed the ending, but I think it has potential to be even better, maybe like you said, take a look at how you could describe some things differently.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end, so good job!

[Audrey Howitt]

Wow! Very visual I thought! Surreal and I loved it. Great job!

[Kenneth The Poet]

This is what gargoyle sees regularly I would think. Spoken as if you were that being in a past life, Nightshade.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this was a real nice. I could imagine a lot of things within this poem. It was a very dark depressing write. I liked the emotion within the words that are written within it. Dreams can be scary if they have ever becomes real. I know how that would be. Thanks for sharing.