Waves of Moonlit Waters

Akin was my childhood to the waves of moonlit waters;

beautiful.

Faultless therefore blameless and seemingly pristine, 

'twas usual for me to seem free

My appearance provided many with envious admiration and joy;

like the waves,

inducing a memory within a memory from a time passed;

Memories of young age.

This remained so, and for quite some time;

I supposed the world mine.

Like the waters of Earth, I had recieved constant light;

misleading.

It varied, one moment dim, next moment bright,

for just like the waters, inside me was life.

My youthful mind and innocence eventually brought me pain;

dissatisfied,

I could have swore that life was more;

my childhood now a lie

Now that I'm forced to comform while living a life of lies;

like all of you,

I feel cheated and decieted;

death our only prize

Today my appearance provides most with a sense of misery;

for I am racing time,

The oldest I've ever been, the youngest I'll ever be;

until the day I die.

Unlike the waves, us humans are of nothing as prestine.

Unlike the sharks, we bring great harm and all bad in between.

Unlike the sun, is the moon, and unlike the moon, the sun;

Unlike the sunlight, is the moonlight; yet somehow light is one.

Among our differences are similarities so I expected some unity;

misleading.

For we are not one, but one of a kind;

Destruction-mankind's thing.

Like the diverse creatures, (living under the sea)

the waves remain above us; 

Beauty and love is above you and me.

(not worthy)

Reviews

[winter;lyra]

if this is really your first poem i have to congratulate you, you have a mind for it, honestly good job, as the meaning of the poem, seems to me as some kind of growth from childhood to adult, however it feels like he failed to abandon his childhood self and this childhood self entered in conflict with this new life he's being presented to and this self morphed into something else that is neither a child or an adult, what follows seems to be his vision on the world he can't comprehend or accept, or, in better words, the reflection on the word he wanted?

[Royal Martinez]

Whilst reading I first thought, song lyrics. In the middle, disappointment was so evident I thought 'break-up song' but your ending resonated with me heavily. Great poem, that it elicited such imagery. Still I feel the need to say, get your thoughts in order. The impression I got was reminiscent of a beautiful yet haze-induced rant. I could be wrong. Either way, one small step today, huge leap tomorrow buddy

[...]

Hello Jason, welcome to WC. If this is your first poem ever written, you definitely have talent. Keep in mind that "perfection" is a matter of opinion, dear writer, and opinions change all the time, making perfection stagnant in the lie of its' perfection. Your writing will grow and change with you, and as long as you are happy with what you have done...

[Gabriel]

This is a wonderful piece of writing Jason.. it is very, very good. I hope you continue to write.. cause your good at it. Thanks for sharing, it was a pleasure to read.

[Chris]

Everybody has given you praise... I have a question or ten. Do you want to emulate anyone with your poetry OR be uniquely you - and why to either. Your language didn't confuse me and the word choice wasn't too daunting. But you were a bit abstract. Clarity draws more empathy and gives emotion something to bond with.

You had a good childhood and others could have been envious - sounded like you were oblivious to them. You reached teenhood and the rebel came out. Did you recognize and USE or question privilege? Did others do it for you? How's your family? You dealing or keeping away.

I didn't FEEL anything listening to your words - could have just been me but I didn't hear anything to draw me or hold me or give rise to further thought...

Your readers have to WANT to turn a page to continue - if only to your next poem...

[Coyote Poetry]

A wide open poem. You open the door to many questions.
"For we are not one, but one of a kind;
Destruction-mankind's thing."
The above lines were my favorite. They are real and true. "Destruction-mankind's thing." I like the poetry that asked questions and leave the reader with something to think about. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[jesserose99]

ok, this is a fantastic poem. As far as the beginning, I can see the trouble that must have come of feeling angst over losing innocence as you knew it. fascinating description of a childhood I personally am unfamiliar with, and making it feel real. a real feeling of innocence. As for the fourth stanza from the bottom, I was blown away. The wording was really well crafted. nice work

[David Scott]

I think the write is consistent with the theme. It is a little busy at points and the pace can feel frustrated. This is good here. Very appropriate.
Now I see the emotion and even the logic of your thinking here. Childhood is innocent. To reach Heaven it is said one must become a child.
Yet, even adults have a pure nature and intentions. We just have more baggage around it. Your mind is beautiful. Your heart is seeking. You are sharing and connecting with others. These are beautiful characteristics.
Anyhow. Read and create poetry. You will see the depths of good and evil. It is after all our curse. 😉