Waves of Regret

The beast inside us all

Meaningless regrets crumble inside me-

Hissing and angry.

Their shadows biting,

Piercing my will.

 

Downward spiraling into darkness-

Unpenetrating light almost visible.

I drown in a sea of remorse,

Unable to change the past to save myself.

 

The Hydra holds me in its vengeful jaws,

Toying with already vexed emotions-

Dragging me down, then slightly up-

Until, at last, he releases me from torment.

 

Slowly, I drift from depths unknown,

Riding on cold, confining currents;

Mind benumbed with horror and self-torture;

Waiting to be safely deposited on sand.
 

There I lay, catching my breath,

Thankful for whatever light I see.

Yet too weak to move, I wait for

The next wave of regret to sweep me away. 

Author's Note

Written 2004

Reviews

[JC]

Ahh, for me this would be written after a long night of drinking, spinning records and smashing a bottle of rum against the wall and cursing everything and everyone and why am I always so damn alone...you write it with some flair and creativity tho, the Hydra pulling you under and releasing you, the contradictive battle of emotions in the self, the light of positivity but with the knowledge that you can and will be swept away again...which is very Zen in a way, not the calm people think is Zen, but the constant change in our lives that can feel like being tossed about in tidal waves... this also gives me a Baudelaire feel, I think you share a similar outlook and mind to him, very raw and real but very deep in emotions and battling torment and beauty.

[JayceeC]

I think perhaps a Zen philosophy works for me..as to Baudelaire, although I find his BeDrunk! to be quite amusing, prose poetry and I, do not see eye to eye, but I will admit to some similarities in his darker writes..he was more like a sane Poe with whom he was friends..and I do love Poe, the crazy b*****d. So I take this all as a complement!

[Perkele.7885]

I do not adhere to the idea of regret as most people do. I have trained myself to make a decision on the facts that I have at hand and then living forthwith with the results of that action. That being said, Their are sa couple of choices that I would like to do over that fly right in the face of regret.

[JayceeC]

In your jobs, regret and looking back was not a choice if you wanted to stay emotionally/psychologically healthy. I have another piece where ai talk of regretting my regrets. Now there's a thought.

[Rose Marie]

This is really nice.. You really show your emotion through the words, nice

[JayceeC]

Thanks Rose Marie. I love your avatar companion...he's adorable!

[Rose Marie]

Thanks He is cute

[....................]

Regret is a lonely companion, and a dangerous one. It does drown you and make it nearly impossible to catch that glimmer of light that always seems to be beyond happiness' reach. Most of live with some regrets but the key is to anchor oneself to a solid mooring so that one never drifts too far from the shore. It was those 'waves' that brought me here but the words made me stay... well-done, Jan!

[JayceeC]

It's impossible to live wtihout any, but I try not to tread in troubled waters..It's very helpful to avoiding the depths.

[sereenaoutloud]

Brilliant write....you can really feel the turmoil in this sucking you under until you fight you way to the shore!!

[JayceeC]

This is probably the favorite of my darker writes, at this point. It came during a very stressful part of my life and captures those moments as perfectly as I ever will.

[sereenaoutloud]

Yes it is darker than your recents writes that I have read. I hope that is because the darker times are now over!! :)

[JayceeC]

MMM... so we can hope. If that is as dark as life gets for me, then it's a downhill slide on rainbows. I like going back to reread these just as a reminder of how much light I do have now. Let us hope it stays that way!

[...]

Jaycee, your Island of dry sand, is the love you have in your life. I realize this was written years ago. Thank heavens you found paradise :) Beautifully conveyed emotion of deep depression though.

[JayceeC]

Oh I still have to watch for that damn hydra in times of extreme stress. PTSD can be a lifelong sentence. Thank the lord I found a mountain to stand on and with. Very infrequent now that the ocean drags me down. . I've become an excellent swimmer.

[...]

Smiles at you

[Robert]

Wow! And you said my poem you just reviewed was to heavy for a Friday...Don't wait until 5 O' Clock rush out now pre-happy hour. Just kidding though, it is a good piece but, it is deep and heavy. Scared the hell out of me just reading it. Momentary relief until the next wave of regret. Maybe and hope that is the last wave.

[JayceeC]

Well maybe it was your heavy stuff that started this. No these are pretty old, but they are dark..pretty much all of them..I'm posting today..Tomorrow I'll write something happy for you!

[Robert]

Ok sounds good. Now off to happy hour.