Awareness

When I say I want to die, it means

that these are the moments when

opening up my eyes makes my head

burst out in flames,

and a ticking time bomb has already

replaced the dysfunctional heart

right off my chest.

When I say I want to die, it means

that the demons over my head

are currently having an intervention

of how boring it is stuck

inside a head of an unimaginative

carrot in a human form -

their time wasted on a lifeless soul.

When I say I want to die, it means

that taking a leap forward off a building

is a blissful idea than moving

on to a future I no longer have a part in.

That somehow I only exist on the here and now,

and whatever it is tomorrow,

is a void I'm not looking forward being a part of.

When I say I want to die, it means

that I don't want sympathy from people

I wanted to run away from.

Encouraging words are like poison

inside my skull, choking me up -

somehow, I don't have any need for words,

nor of anything for this matter.

When I say I want to die, it means

can I stand still for a moment and breathe.

And maybe rest in peace.

And let the depressing notion of not wanting

to open my eyes swallow me whole,

not looking forward to anything,

nor wanting to remember anything,

just wanting to be still. To be alone.