Solemn Mantra

Just me, trying to convince myself it doesn't matter...

Do not
be fooled
by the paradise
in his kiss.

Do not
be  charmed
by the words
from his lips.

Do not
be chastised
by the strength
in his hold.

Do not
be tempted
by the lust
in his eyes.

Do not
be beaten
by the abandonment
in his departure.

He doesn’t love you.
He doesn’t love you.
He doesn’t love you
…

Never has.
Never has.
Never will.

Author's Note

Only posted because Vincent Weathers always picks on me about my habits of capitalizing every line and punctuating every line. Blame him if you don't like it. ^.~

Reviews

[Vincent Weathers]

Antagonizing me now? It was only a suggestion. "always?"

For some reason this poem sounds like the effect the Ten Commandments has... Thou shall not...
In that respect, then I'd say it borrows from that sort of effect. Do not be tempted... Do not be chastised.. Do not...
the reiteration of the idea really adds to that effect.
I also compared it if each line were captialized. This effect wouldn't be as noticed as it is here.

Compare for yourself as well... I would think stressing every first word would be a bit much... but that is my opinion. Its an experiment. Take chances. That's what I would say. Just going to have to see about other people as well.

[Christopher Marlowe]

I love the opening--a great line. However, then we descend into somewhat boring statements. I know you don't want to add much to your words due to the rhythm you are trying to maintain, but I will suggest a couple of things that will not alter the meaning but "colorize" your words. At this point they are a bit black and white.

What about:
Do not
be charmed
by golden words
from his lips.

and:

Do not
be tempted
by false passion
in his eyes.

The repetitions of "He doesn't love you" are a cheap way out. Here is where you need to make a powerful statement.
CM

[Cristal Reviewess]

its very good though

[Windy]

Indeed powerful, well written I thought. Still wonder if I know you or if you are just "another me" out there, going through the same things in life? Windy

[Kaleidoscope Apocalypse]

I agree with what Vincent Weathers had to say..

This is quite powerful.

[Rainbowco]

Strong write, I like the Repetition, hammering home a reminder of lessons learned.

[Poeticpiers]

There was once a good reason for capitalising every firts word in a line.I the old days it told typesetters where each line began. Modern computer technology has made it uneccessary. Some writers stick to it mor outof habit I guess.For me it interrupts the flow especially in enjambment
sort of reminded me of the ten commandments ivor