The Ocean's Call

this is a small exert that i am thinking about pursuing, it is about a girl who leaves her home and in doing so has an internal struggle about her choice.

I cleared away the bowls from that morning’s breakfast trying hard not to allow a thought of what Shave had just said; worm its way into my thoughts. But the more I tried to block out his harsh words the more clarity and sense of reality they seemed to have on me. Of course he was right how could I ever begin to argue the point. I was here and I was going to be here forever. My dreams crushed, my sweet ambitions gone like they never existed. It was hard to believe that I ever thought I could banish the insecurities that ruled my life and everyone’s around me. This was life and no amount of will power would ever change that.

It was like I sold my life to the dark side of corruption and greed, just because I was too selfish to go back and fight for what I really believed in. I found myself staring out towards the ocean a deep longing in my bones to walk out there into the water and let it swallow me whole. 

‘Eve.’ his soft voice startled me and I jumped and dropped and the bowl I was holding, it cascaded from my arms and hit the hard packed floor shattering into a thousand tiny pieces.

‘Dustin?’  I stepped over the shards in a frenzy and fell completely into his arms, he laughed slightly awkwardly as if he’s not sure what the intended next move was, he returned the hug nonetheless. Smiling I stepped back to catch my breath and to better take him in.  he’d grown a slight beared, and his hair was sawn off so it stood on ends, just long enough for me to be able to lock my fingers in (I banished those thoughts before they could properly form). Overall he looked healthy for a man that had been at war for the past seven months

‘Yes, it is me... you look to be in good health,’ his conversation was awkward that of a person who was meeting a distant cousin or friend of a friend.

 Then sudden realisation dawned he could not be here, he could not be anywhere near me I lived in the house of the enemy. His presence was brining the memories of hope, and longing back but those dreams were crushed. He has to leave I could not go back to that world.

‘Why must you mock me thus? You came here for a reason and I am assuming that reason is not pointless chit chat? So say what you intended to say and then be back on your way.’ The abruptness of my words obviously shocked him but he went on talking nonetheless.

‘Well I pictured a much more welcomed return, but I see that cannot be so, I don’t know why your here but the fact is you are and I have found you. I have come to take you back, and everything will go back to normal, we have won! It’s over; you can come back with me.’  He was slightly breathless and a smile played on his lips. He reached out his hand to take mine and I stepped back putting a table between us.

 ‘No!’ my heart pounded I had to tell him that I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t go back to that place I had started a life here and I had to finish it. No matter how my heart screamed that I had made the wrong decision, I could not give in; I could not give into that foolish little girl anymore. My life was here and no amount of wishing could ever change that. My hand close around the locket at my wrist, and slowly with shaking fingers I undid the binding laces, to place it on the table that separated him from me. In some ironic way it reminded of the distance that grew between us. How we could go from being so close to bringing about our demise.

‘Just leave.’ I turned my back on him willing him to walk out before Shave got home. But I knew that wouldn’t just leave, he never would just do something, he would never give anything up without a fight or some kind witty cynical comment.

‘I won’t go...’ my heart sank as I felt his hand touch my shoulder he went to pull me around to face him, but he stopped when he felt my body go rigid. ‘You can’t give up so easily.’ I heard his determination to keep his voice steady and reasonable, oh how I knew that he would be raging inside himself. ‘I never took you to be the kind of person that would see an obstacle and then quit.’ his grip loosened and then fell, I resisted the urge to turn around and look into his eyes afraid of the truths that I might see there.

‘I’m not just giving up, it’s not like that- you can’t begin to comprehend...’ I started then faltered; I would not get into this with him, I could not. What about ‘go’ didn’t he understand?

‘That’s right, your intellect far outweighs my own, what was it? “Muscles don’t know why the mother has a son, they only know how to take the son away?’’ It’s not just that your giving up it’s that you don’t try to fix the mistakes that your just to blind to see that you’ve made!’ I could hear his breathing become more and more constrained as he tried not to lose his temper. Finally I turned and faced him, my chin forward and shoulders squared. I made determination radiate through my whole body, but as soon as I looked into his eyes, and what I saw in there completely destroyed my guard. His eyes were red and swimming, he never cried not even when Marcus died in his arms, and now because I said ‘no’ he was crying. I finally broke his satirical, cynical shield and he was giving me his whole self.  The urge to laugh hysterically over came me, but I bit my lip.

‘We could be happy we can go back to living a life with the people we lo-’

‘LEAVE!’ I screamed my voice cracking with emotion and I saw him jump back as if I had threatened him with a knife. It had the desired effect, I thought I was going to have to explain in so many words that the peaceful and perfect future he once envisioned was no longer possible, that we could no longer be, that happiness didn’t really work.

The venom from my words oozed off me and pooled around him as if they were going entrap him, he was in a trance like state. It scared me how he just stared; he stared right through me like I wasn’t even there a; figment of a dream long forgotten.

He turned on his heel and left without a second glance. This is what I wanted but it tore my heart in two to see him walk away. I wanted him to leave, but his departure caused more pain then I could properly wrap my head around.

I fell to the floor tears heaving through my body like a tidal wave. It took me this long to realise that I could not live without him and that I couldn’t let him go. I willed myself to my feet; it took me a second to regain my balance, but as soon as I was steady I ran after him like he was my dying breath. I could just see him at the base of the hill.

‘You’re giving up!’ I screamed running down the hill in a desperate attempt, but he was on his horse and too far gone to be able to hear me. I stood stoical for a moment but I knew I had to accept the inevitable. I turned back towards the house ignoring the starring eyes of those around me; I could just imagine the controversy my scene will cause.

Just as I stepped over the threshold of my prison I felt something small and delicate crush under my foot. The bracelet.  

Reviews

[Jenni Cosgrove]

Okay so this is my first ever piece that i have ever published, my grammar is probably terrible and i am working on it! just your thoughts would be greatly appreciated!