Why

It's a quick poem I wrote in probably less than five minutes, really tried to throw in a deep meaning/theme to it but I don't know if people catch my drift, I know it needs a lot more improvements

Sometimes, I cry, when I don't know why
I lie in the eye to those who don't know, why
To live or not to live, is the question. But why
Why is it that I why?
When I really don't know, why
How does one explain why
When why is a struggle that hides in the lives of those who wonder why..
I ask my self, why? Why me? Why is it that I question and live in the shadows of between and beneath my fears and doubts that endlessly bring me back to all these whys
I am loved. I am strong.
So here is wher I belong.
Can I livelong?
There is so much that I've not seen.
I try but I'm young, I'm just a teen.

Author's Note

Any feed back? Suggestions? Improvements? Are you able to get a meaning out of the lyrics itself? Would maybe understand what I'm talking about? Really it's about depression in teens, (inspired by personal life) and how one thing that's so common with every one who's going through some sort depression we always ask why us? Why me? Really bringing the world alone, "why" to life and try to get a literature deep meaning out of it idk.. literally first poem I ever written, just testing out the waters, i know it's not up to par but would you read this poem and think... oh I know where this could head, or I know what it's trying to say... feed back please

Reviews

[M.Ruby]

For a first poem this isn't half bad at all. I really liked some of the expressions you used, and I can actually relate to a lot of these thoughts that you're describing, as I'm sure a lot of teenagers would. Structurally, it needs some work-if you try grouping some of the different 'thoughts' in the poem into chunks and then work on a chunk at a time, that may help you? (it helped me anyway). The repetition of the word 'why' can be effective and is obviously significant to the poem, however sometimes I felt it disrupted the flow a little bit. There were also quite a lot of grammar errors, but I'm sure you were probably aware of those and they can easily be corrected. Overall, I think with some work on your structure and grammar this poem has potential, so you should definitely keep working on it! I especially liked how you ended the poem on a positive and hopeful note, despite the serious message behind it. I hope my feedback was helpful to you. Keep writing, you're doing good. :)