Morning Routine

Love & the fear of it.

Its Morning.

I know it is because as I lie here pretending to sleep, I hear you.

I hear you as you fight with your lighter to consume a Morning f*g.

Inhale. Exhale.

The odor awakens my nostrils, in a sense of disgust and lust. 

This is the cologne I associate with you, therefore I've come to love it.

Inhale.. Exhale.. 

I want to turn to you and admire the beauty of your eyes.

The green forest full of mystery, full of a devoted love for me. 

But I hide, pretending to sleep, terrified to look into those emerald stained windows into your soul.

Inhale..... Exhale....

My body is urged to straddle you and run my fingers through your silky black hair.

Grasping it with passion, tilting your head back greeting my lips with yours. 

But I wont, you know me too well.

If I meet my soul with yours, you will bring out the pain in me...

Inhale..

Exhale.

I hear you, as you crush your f*g into a metal tray.

My heart beats faster; grab him, don't let him go.

I become paralyzed within my own emotions, binding me down like vines.

There is a shift in weight as you rise, my heart beats faster.

I can't move, I can't speak.

I feel as you come closer and leave a sweet gift from your lips on my left cheek.

Inhale.

A soft, "I love you..." escapes from your exhale.

I close my eyes tighter with no response. The silence is so loud it hurts.

The silhouette of you disappears.

I wait till I hear the door shut, and with it I dissolve within my tears.

I love you too.

Author's Note

Again, I have poor grammar. Forgive me. Comments a critique welcome and encouraged.