A random poem

a very pessimistic poem about my life in earlier years (free verse)

Beauty is my curse

My persona is lethal

I envy fame but cannot embrace it.

To love is Hell

Honesty is far from me

Pain is my life and devours me whole.

Attention is my prison

Yet I yearn lonliness only to be imprisoned by love

To be loved is also torturous

To not show love is a burden

Hiding feelings feeds my guilt

Showing emotion enrages me with hate

This is a life-long feeling

But love is the most deadly distraction

Keeping me emotional and distressed

Romeo doesnt exist in my world

He is just a fable among the rest

Prince Charming is satan in disguise

There to drain you of happiness

Soon to destroy your heart...never to look back

I am tortured yearly in the place i hate most

Three more miserable years to bear

But it takes one to break me

Ive held up long and hard

Waiting to let go at the right moment

Yet afriad to let go too soon

But one man loves me and im afraid to love him back

Scared to ruin his hearts desire

Daily he expresses his love for me

But out of fear I express hate

Hostility overpowers my love for him

And he questions my love daily because of that

I cried often wondering why I am this way

My only conclusion is the lasting scar

the death of a loved one has haunted me with

He says to let go but I cannot

knowing my favorite aunt is no longer here

Ive been tainted by death and that will never change

It will only worsen when my great grandma is

called home by God

Knowing thats near hurts me more

My only wish in life is that noone will ever go through

what has transpired in mine

As I sit here writing this, i wonder if the reader will understand

J.L. Parker's life is not all love and sunshine

She just envies the ones around her who has it

And is in a life-long pursuit of happiness.