what if it wasn't so hard?

self realizing and expanding, trying to overcome the dichotomy of good versus evil within

whenever you're there in that place halfway there

where you aren't sure you care

but you also don't dare

and it seems everywhere you go people stare

they can tell you're in limbo...on the fence, life's unfair

these moments will spark surreal self awareness

fully immersed in self loathing and bareness

couldn't be but a moment til ruin

and couldn't quite reach it, you know, reach the moon

what if it wasn't so hard or so soon?

thought it would be great to be the one lucky

wondered if life could become much less sucky

didn't quite hope for it, didn't quite dream

thought it would be easier that way for me

what would it be like to have a true team?

I'm not aware it was meant to be

at least not right now, not for me

just me alone enveloped in the music of thee

only, you're not the one for my life or my family

i knew that a long time ago, why didn't I see?

carry me on with the wind I don't mind

seems I allow you to do it all the time

wasting my days, my years, all my mind

and not even sure there would be gold to find

yeah Satan, get thee behind

uncertainty is a weakened pot of brass

it wears on the shoulders and flattens the a*s

it keeps its own liquor where you cannot find

and uncertainty always wonders what kind

if drive and success would only be so inclined

monetary fixes for fixated stares

couldn't even manage to get up the stairs

motivation lost it's dancing partner

and ecstasy took off for the winter

now its just the pine and the splinters

mother would have made it seem all okay

father would have helped it to go the right way

brother would be there to cheer on the sides

and sister would sneak out at night for the rides

i lay still wondering if i'm out with the tides

bustle and bustle and city lights shining

seasons and whistles and bus boys bustle by

and mock winter flocking coats the fake trees

with mary and joseph down on their knees

the holidays made not much difference to these

springtime with every fresh fragrant scent

blooming and springing all up like they're meant to

and always me drudging the days til the summer

when i hibernate long and as much am a bummer

nobody could make me smile. it would be a long damn while

daisies paislie patsy and shooter kicking it with the old man and pooter

the dog with the peg leg and his brother puppet

 chasing my cat up the tree oh poor muppet

none of it felt like I should remember

but all I recall are those kinds of embers

not fire nor thunder nor mountains nor space

i don't believe that damned look on his face

and even if all my paradox fell

I'd still be right here with you in hell

but I'm thankful overall, can't you tell?