Do you think you know me?

Pain behind a fake smile.

You look at me,

And you think you know me,

But can you honestly say

One thing you know?

Yes it's true,

You may know every freckle on my nose,

You may remember the structure of my face,

You may know every curve of my body,

But tell me,

Do you know the pain behind my smile?

Or what gives that distant look in my eyes?

Do you know that at night,

I lock myself in my room,

Just to cry?

You probably didn't,

It's true I hide it well,

I let you make the judgements that anyone would.

You may think I'm sweet,

You could think I'm a b***h,

Maybe you think I'm funny,

You could even think I'm stupid.

You may think I'm spoiled,

But tell me when have you heard me ask for anything?

You may say I'm stubborn or hard headed,

But to me if I've made up my mind why should I change it?

You can judge me for what I've done,

Laugh at me for the mistakes I've made,

But answer me this,

Have you ever cut yourself?

Probably not,

So I know you don't understand,

But for me it was an addiction,

A certain high only cutting could give.

I had an eating disorder,

Stupid right?

Worse it became something I couldn't control,

It wasn't just a problem,

It became an obsession.

It's true what you've heard,

I've tried to kill myself.

Now I know that wasn't the answer,

But at the time it seemed the only escape.

So yeah,

I've had my problems,

I've went to therapists,

Been on meds,

I've even went to rehab.

So laugh at me judge me,

Do as you please,

And when your done come talk to me.

Get to know me,

And one day tell me,

How do you deal when your world falls apart,

And nothing matters?

Take time to think and then tell me,

How you would honestly react to being adopted,

Being unwanted?

What do you do when your molested and raped,

More times then you can count?

What's it like to sit around during the day,

Wondering when mom is coming home and how many times she'll hit you?

If your fourteen and you watch your dad slowly die,

And you can't do anything to help,

Tell me what you would do.

What do you do

When your in love with someone

Who cheats on you,

Hits you,

And as much as you want to you can't leave.

What do you say to a friend who stabs you in the back,

When they come to you crying?

Could you honestly turn your back to them?

So like I said you can sit there and judge me,

Or even think you know me,

But what you've heard

It's only the beginning.

You will never know all I truly hide behind my smile,

There's more to me then all this,

But why tell anyone?

I don't need it thrown in my face one day,

What you've just read

It's all been thrown in my face,

So I won't open up anymore.

You may have wondered why I act so strong,

Or why I've built walls around my heart,

Maybe deep down you do care,

Maybe you honestly do want to know me,

And if you do then you'll have to stick around for awhile.

But if you'd rather know me as Ditzy

Then stand right where you are,

And laugh along with me,

But next time you think you know me,

Stop and think.

Because I've only just begun

I'll allow you to know,

What I want you to know,

And what I think you can handle.

So sit around and judge me,

Cuz that's what people do,

But remember someone is doing the same to you,

And when you come running to me,

And you need someone to talk to,

And your feel like maybe I'm the only one who understands,

I hope you know I will listen.

I'll help you and be there for you as much as I can,

And I won't judge you for it.

I won't hold it against you

Because I know everyone deals with things differently.

Everyone makes mistakes because if we didn't we wouldn't learn.

So you may love me or hate me,

And even if you hate me,

I'm the kind of person who will still sit and listen to you.

So now ask yourself,

Do you truly know me?

Can you tell me the details of my heart,

Or just the details of my face?

Author's Note

This is a poem I wrote based on my friends life.