Maiden

Small poem written in my journal whilst visiting the Lake District many years ago.

Dreamy poised upon the pier

There sat a maiden wondering

In all the land what most is dear

Than such is what at present near

The sun to warm her heart and soul

The lake so quietly glittering

And mountains tall stood proud and old

Within this landscape tales were told

Reviews

[Vishuddha]

Almost.
I am bothered by the past tense "there sat a maiden" and the following "what is most dear" - than what at present reach is near? Or something. "such is what" sounds strange. We need to be more critical of older poems because they have lived longer in our hearts. The last line comes out of nowhere - perhaps it belongs in another poem? Does the first stanza even need more? It may say all that needs saying. I am really enjoying your writing.

[Joanne Jayne]

I wrote this a long time ago, i tend to just get all the words down and then forget to review what i've written haha, but thank you :)