The Melodic Sound of F@@king Thyself

  John Denton used to say Eddie Roy Elbert's voice"sounded like gold" that his vocal chords were "warm platinum threads" that he sounded like a, "really well informed Bing Crosby." John Denton was employed by WTQR (channel 3) as the sole producer for their nightly news broadcast. Because Eddie and John had worked together twenty five years John was destroyed by Eddie's on air heart attack and subsequent death. 

    On Christmas eve 1993 only three people occupied the WTQR studio  located on the corner of Edgemont Ave. and Tunnel Rd. John Denton had decided everyone should go home to spend the holiday with their families so he, Eddie Roy Elbert and Sherman Lopez were broadcasting the last ten minutes of the show on their own.

    Eddie had just finished giving the children of seventy counties a Santawatch update when he felt pain shooting down his left arm.

    He turned a pale yellow and slid, almost gracefully, from his corinthian leather aluminum reinforced chair to the tan carpeted floor. John froze where he stood and, after thirty five long seconds, Sherman switched off his camera and ran to perform CPR on Eddie's rotund and very still body. The three were alone only a moment before two men from the WTVD news team arrived, camera epuipment and a small asian woman applying lip gloss in tow.

    John was horrified. Not only was he forced to watch the death of his friend, he knew the story would be picked up nationally and not by his parent station. Soon, millions of people would be watching Lillian Lu, not Anne Anderson give  play-by-play commentary as Sherman lamely attempted to find Eddie's pulse. It would be WTVD's recent Korean addition occasionally poking Eddie's lifeless body with her microphone and not the veteran WASP of questionable sexuality.  

John Denton felt as pathetic as Sherman Lopez's ability to perform CPR. Years later, he would confide in his occupational therapist he could see his career floating away with the soul of  Eddie Roy Elbert, who nibbled on a piece of cheese as he disappeared into the ceiling panels.

        

Reviews

[Pink Poison]

This is extremely well written. It has all the elements that make it seem real, like the precise way that you describe the carpet and chair, but it also has that insane element bordering on hysteria that makes it hilarious. I love the last part about him nibbling a bit of cheese as he disappeared into the ceiling panels. Also Lillian Lu, poking his body with her microphone occasionally, is a total crack up. Scary to think that things like this really DO happen in life...well maybe not the cheese, but who's to say?? Great story, as usual. I think I could become addicted to your stories.

[Clarisse Nanoit]

This is twistedly hilarious and COMPLETELY random. You have inadvertantly convinced me to overhaul a piece I am working on... Through reading your works I've realized I am overthinking some things. I think I'll go for something simpler on this one I'm penning now. Anyway, about this piece: I read it twice (not that it took me a really long time), because, upon reading the last line, I wondered if I had missed something in the story. Nope. Just your morbid humor. And I don't quite get how the title is connected to the story, but it's a cool one... Just one mre thing for me to contemplate in those moments I'm at my most bored. lol. A great piece!! (As always)
KH