Lost

Basically, i just experimented with being descriptive... Hope you like, keep in mind this is my very first online post. in summary, Girl is lost in woods and being chased. Sounds boring but i like

 She hastened through tangled vines and treaded over sharp rocks, each one felt like a needle threatening to push through the soles of her naked feet, the rough ground felt like nails every time she took a step. She couldn’t see two feet in front of her and had continuously been stumbling over her own feet.

 

The dull, black sky was like a thick blanket. It wouldn’t allow any light from the full moon to seep through. The muggy air was stifling, suffocating her and bringing up a cold sweat all over her weak, feeble body.

Dew was forming on the leaves and she could see the ominous storm clouds in the distance creeping over the peak of the hills, it was like blood trailing down a wall causing crude and creepy shapes to form along the ground. The claw-like shadows of the towering hills were reaching towards her, raking the ground in their attempt to reach her and so she kept running. 

Her heart was racing more than ever in her entire 13 years and she fought against the lump that was in her throat. Each time she swallowed felt like an oversized golf-ball was stuck on her windpipe. Her breath was ragged and shallow and the panic was slowly overtaking her.

The young girl tripped over a hard rock and landed with a grunt. She gave up her battle and released her caged emotions that had been trapped in the back of her mind. Her body was in agony and her feet were unrecognizable, she painfully sat up and her arms just barely managed to support her. The girl began to shake and quiver uncontrollably. Her head ached as though there were thousands of little men smashing it from the inside. She was caked in dirt and her dark hair was mopped with sweat making it appear all the more darker, it was knotted and tangled and hanged limply over her brown eyes, which were wide with fright, exhaustion and desperation flashed through them. 

Her head snapped up as she heard the sound of footsteps close by her. Her legs were like jelly as she forced herself to stand just barely managing to simply move an inch.

Panic overtook her and gave her the burst of adrenalin to once again start running but she was soon trying hard to ignore the pain and refusal that swarmed within her legs. Burning suddenly flared up in her feet, stronger than before. A range of thoughts kept flashing through her head, thoughts that were begging and pleading for her to stop, to give up, to just let them get her, but no she wouldn’t give up and so she shut out her haunting thoughts.

All she wanted and had to do was run, to lose those who wouldn’t stop following her. 

Author's Note

Well, this is my very first story online, so I'd say there will be room for improvement so please share with me anything that could help! :)
Cheers mate,
Jozie. :)

PS. by the way grammar might not be the best.

Reviews

[Alexx Wake]

I enjoyed the descriptive details you used in the first two paragraphs. Very good imagery, and definitely a good hook that kept me wanting to read through the rest of the story. Vocabulary is definitely on point as well. A few grammatical errors, and over dramatic metaphors, but I easily overlooked them because of how interesting of a read it was. Only dislike I had with the story was the conclusion at which the writer presented. Compared to how strong the story began, the ending felt a little stale. Overall, it was a good read. And even though I had a few complaints about it, I would still recommend it to anyone who's looking for a pretty descriptive and intense read.