Middle of the road

a short recap of what I am going through, or what I feel I am going through right now.

I recently moved Hanover, New Hampshire, as you may have known based on my past stories, last week and with that I moved to a completely new environment. There is an air of excitement but there is also the sense that I don’t belong here. Now sure I will admit that at least for me there is always this sense of not belonging in any group that I am a part of. I am in a special case where I stand exactly in the middle of everything. I am an amazing student well beyond what is expected from my community, breaking every record that was put in my way and becoming the first person to go to an Ivy League from my school.

Now that I am here I am no longer atop everything in fact I am probably even considered below average compare to most. See where I am at? I was maybe too good for my own community, but in the wide scheme of things not good enough for life outside of it. Now the problems come in when you realize that this meant that I was never really fully accepted in my community because I was considered cocky and overconfident, but also I came here and realized that I will also never fit in with these preppy $20k private school students with parents that went to prestigious colleges.

I am not going to let that detract me, but I will always know that whether or not I let it affect me there will always be a difference between me and both of the communities that I know call home. I was maybe not meant to be here, on this earth, or maybe I was destined to be different and to unite both of them. If I want to get out of here without dying due to depression, I will have to make sure to believe in the latter. I miss the simple days, not the good days because I don’t want to go back, but I do miss the simplicity of when a questions had a specific outcome and choices were black and white. I am different, always have been for better or worse, now it’s the time to prove why being different and unique is good after all.