“I thought I knew how to live but I didn’t”

A story about a man who saved a girl but then lost her.

“I thought I knew how to live but I didn’t”

 

There was a woman who came in my life she was like a cold breeze in the summer, like a ray of light at the end of a tunnel. I still remember the day I saw her. She was walking aimlessly on the street with her head down like she was searching for something important on the ground. She wasn’t in her senses.

She didn’t realize that she entered in the area where no person in his senses wants to come and then suddenly she stopped in front of the tin can and started to look at it and then out of nowhere she kicked that can with all the energy she got and then I saw her face.

Her face was wet and tears drop were on the edge of his eyes trying to break out of the cage of her eyes. She threw her bag which she was holding on tightly a few moments ago and started to run aimlessly. Surprisingly, I found myself following her, I ran after her for no reason. She was running toward the bridge. The golden bridge which shines like gold under the sunlight.

She stopped at the middle of the bridge. There was no traffic. I stopped at the end of the bridge and start looking at her curiously. She didn’t even know that I was following her. She untied the shoelaces and free her left foot from the black canvas shoes which she was wearing and then right one, after that she walked toward the fence and then she climbed the fence of the bridge and stand on top of it she opened her arms and took in a deep breath.

Suddenly, it hit me that her intentions aren’t good I ran toward her but I was late she already jumped in. I jumped after her, she was sinking down in the water. Her face was peaceful despite the fact that her lungs would have been burning because of lack of oxygen. She wasn’t struggling for the oxygen. She opened her eyes when I grabbed her from her waist, she resisted and tried to free herself from my grip but I hold her more tightly and started to swim above the water. After a while, she stopped resisting and gave in.

I took her out of the water and laid her on the grass near the water. Her eyes were closed, she was barely breathing, I got panicked and started to give her CPR but nothing happened her body was still lifeless. My brain was only thinking one thing that I will not let her die, I was the person who usually took peoples breath away and that was the first time I was struggling to give someone breath. I don’t believe in God but that was the time I started to pray to save her.

Suddenly, she coughed and water came out of her mouth, she started to breathe. I still can’t explain the feelings I had that time. I picked her up and her shoes as well and started to walk. I stopped in front of my house and put her down on her feet and picked up the key under the doormat and opened the door.

She was standing in front of the door still in the position I put her down looking aimlessly in the air. She didn’t say a word since I saw her. She didn’t follow me inside the house so I picked her up again and bought her inside my house and laid her on the sofa and went to bring some towels and dry clothes.

I still don’t understand why I did all those things; she was stranger to me I never cared for anyone like this before not even my own mother who took her last breath in front of me. Till today whenever I close my eyes her tear stained face came in front of my eyes.

I dried her hairs and when I told her to change herself into dry clothes she looked at me with pain in his eyes. She started to trembled badly, her whole body was shaking badly. She hugged me out of nowhere and then I felt something warm on my shoulder she was crying. I never saw someone crying and didn’t know how to stop someone from crying. So I sat their silently like statue and let her cry. I don’t know how long she cried on my shoulders.

I still remember the touch of her hand when she slapped me right after she stopped crying and her voice is still in my head saying why you saved me, I kept quote because I didn’t know the answer and I am still searching for the right answer.

I got up from the sofa after her slap and silently went to my room. I didn’t close my eyes not even for a second. That night I kept asking from myself that why did I save her. She is no one, literally no one. I don’t know who she is where she came from and what’s her name. She was like that tornado that came from nowhere and destroys everything in its path. She did something to me which I can’t put in words. Her silence was shouting something but I can’t hear it.

In the morning, I came out of my room and saw her sleeping on the sofa with her own clothes. There wasn’t any peace on her face. Her face can tell that she is fighting from something very big and I still don’t know what she was fighting. I put a blanket on her and sat on the floor looking at her face trying to remember each and every detail of her face. I touched her forehead with my index finger and then traced her nose bridge and then stopped on the mole right above her lips.

She trembled in her sleep and started to screaming she was asking for help. I woke her up and she pushed me away from her with a force like she was afraid of me. I didn’t say a word and went into the kitchen to prepare something to eat. I can see her from the kitchen searching, she was searching for something and after a few minutes of searching, she found the thing which she was looking for.

After breakfast, she asked me for the washroom. I gave her the directions and started to do dishes. After doing the dishes I waited for her but if she didn’t come back not for the next 15 minutes. Then it hit me and I ran toward the washroom. The door was looked I knocked and knocked but she didn’t respond and there wasn’t time to search for the keys so I broke the door.

The scene in front of me still hunts me whenever I use that washroom or any other. She was in the bathtub with her clothes on and opened wrists. Tub water was red with her blood. I ran toward her but this time I was late, she wasn’t anymore. There was a note on the sink

“You can save me from death but not form my tormented self. I thought I knew how to live but I didn’t.”

I still don’t know why I saved her and why I still remember the little mole right above her lips, why still remember her black eyes and why still have her canvas shoes in my shoe cabinet and why I have her suicide note in my wallet and why I read it every day.

 

 

 

Author's Note

New writer, I wrote this because I was depressed and English is not my first language so ignore the grammar mistakes.