Unshield

Ever wondered how it feels like to be the odd one out in the family? Since I am one, I thought I'll pen down my experience

Probably like every other butterfly, I too had broken the cocoon. Although having seen the realities of life at times, this was yet another reality that I had to face. Living in a society where our reputation is constantly under construction for others to judge, is not an easy job.
Three exams through and three more to go, I visualised the aftermath of it. For the first time I realised how marks could change my life. I sometimes felt I expected a lot from myself; I wanted to be everything at once- talented, beautiful and brainy. Having a dream to touch at least a score of 90% in boards would probably never be fulfilled. I remembered how tears were the next thing that came after my marks in 10th grade; the same was likely to happen now. I realised how different I was from the rest of the family, but this time, not in a good way.
I have a typical Indian family - a relative who was one among the state toppers and is a student of architecture, a family filled with software engineers, relatives studying in the most prestigious educational institutions and here I was, struggling with a single sum of integration.
My mom was always the kid every parent wanted as a daughter. A perfect student and an extremely well behaved girl. She had done right for being the eldest kid in the family. My grandfather got an engineering certificate to add to his reputation and my grandmom had managed to earn herself a degree in Arts in the generation where girls were married off at a tender age. My uncle, being a quiet person by character had silently achieved what every Indian son is expected to - a job in the USA. I always wondered how my aunt had beauty with brains where as I had none of them. People had pre-assumed that I am a carbon copy of my mother. Since she was a book worm and a perfect nerd, they expected me to be the same and never waited for an answer each time they asked me how my exams or studies were going on. I was living under the casted shadow of my mother.
Frankly, I sometimes wondered if I was adopted. If not, then where had the IQ genes in me disappeared? I didn't know if I hadn't put in enough effort or it was just above my capabilities. I had put in utmost effort this year, yet it just wasn't enough. From dreaming of being the college topper to reducing expectations to 90% and from wishing to study in the most prestigious engineering college, to hoping to get an engineering seat, I realised that everything was almost over.
We often talk about how our dreams matter more than the voice of the society but when it comes to actually doing what we want, we turn a deaf ear to our heart's voice. I started wondering what opinion my relatives would form about me. While on one hand I wondered if I was actually that important to others that me not getting a good score would be a topic of gossip for them, on the other hand, I felt people did have expectations from me.
Being quite sure of the results, it's just a few more days to go. Light shall be thrown on my reality and my mom's shadow on me would fade away. People would know who I actually am and above all, I would know who I actually am. I, once and for all, would be unshielded...