Helpless

Struggling through psychological trauma is a painful experience. Watching someone else struggle, and not being able to do anything to provide relief... That is almost worse.

There you are again,

so small and scared in the face of the monsters that yearn to consume you

You, who I know is the strongest of the two of us

You, for whom I would do anything to relieve of this curse

There is nothing I can do.

I watch you writhe and whimper your pain,

helpless to save you from the devils that crawl within your mind

like insects

There is no elixir to make it all go away

No serum to turn your nightmares into dreams,

so you no longer have to wake, clutching at me,

and convince yourself that nobody you love is dead

There is nothing I can do.

Each shaky breath is like a stake through me,

nailing me, spread and bared before your monsters

Another plaything for their amusement

I hold you tighter to my breast,

and let your tears smear salt-stains on my soul

You cry,

and my heart shatters with each fallen tear

Watching, helpless, as you pull yourself apart again

and stitch yourself painfully back together,

each draw of the needle through skin striking me

as if it is meant to cut, not mend

There is nothing I can do.

I am helpless in my duty to protect you

No amount of words can assuage your fears,

despite how I keep trying to sponge my consolations

across your sweaty brow

My arms can only hold you so tight,

lest I fracture your fragile hold on what is real.

I hold you in my arms

because it is all I know how to do

These agonizing nights of lying awake,

keeping watch while you sleep,

and knowing that I cannot reach you,

in the place you need me most.

Where I should be,

to protect you.

There is nothing I can do.