I Became a Cutter

I'm not a cutter fyi but I do understand and have empathy for those who do or used too, it is scary however when the thought enters your mind.

I Became a Cutter

K.S.  2013

 

 

I became a cutter

I became a cutter because lightening slashed through my blue eyes

Made them red

I laid there bleeding and clotting

Doing it over and over again

I became a cutter when your teeth bit my lip

When we kissed under meteors

Digging me out with hurt like talons

Leaving me dull yet pitting with craters

I became a cutter when my world stopped

When you died

When we laid there naked

When you watched my life fade before your eyes

I became a cutter when you left me breathless

I’m the one sweating chest popping

My lungs frozen cold and blue

I merely whisper your name

I became breathless when you gave me all your shame

I bled for you I cut my artery

For you I'd do anything

But, you fucked me

Watching my body

Yes you liked to watch me

Grow weaker and weaker

You sure taught me

I became a cutter when I became homeless

You left me with nothing

A foreclosure notice

No Dear John letter

Hotter than hell outside your cold overwhelmed me

I wore an embroidered scarlet long-sleeved sweater

I became a cutter when you kicked me

When I wanted to die

I watched you live

My blood on your shoes you kicked me

When you got out of the car

When you held her hand

When you led her upstairs

I became

I became a cutter when I took all the blame

I scraped my knees along railroad ties

To remind me again I am dead and you are alive

You wanted this for me your spite is no surprise

You survived because you stole

Took me, buried my bright lit night inside

Little beads like barbs biting hard trying to find a way out

And back to you

I became

I became a cutter making excuses for you

We argue you yell, apologize, we breakthrough…right?

Never giving up on you

Falling at your feet

Telling you I am weary and weak

Please I beg

‘Don’t get your blood on my shoes’ is all you said

I used to want to just lay there

Hoping to smell through her

To you

I became a cutter when you soaked me in bleach

Fucked hard, only trying to get out what was wrong with me

You should have told me your death rate

You had hopes to make me clean

Washed me in your dirty machine spinning cycles of hate

I am a cutter because I am starving

For feeling

For anything

You say I am fucked up because I want it all

I crossed the hall

I crossed your vapid line

Wishing with naive hope and your doubt

Only to find

My body slashed, wrecked and convulsing

The doctors pulled back my eyelids as I’m bleeding

They shone a light

I saw you

I heard them say ‘it’s too late’

I guess I feel like you did

When I finally broke

When you died

Oh my love

At your funeral

I cried

I apologize

This is us now

2 graves

Finally forever

Side by side

Ks 2013

.

.

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not a cutter fyi but I do understand and have empathy for those who do or used too, it is scary however when the thought enters your mind.

Reviews

[Bryan_Himmel]

I am not either but I have had plenty of friends who went through this and this solemn, sickly sweetly, flowing work brings the issues to life and captures the diversity of what I know they all felt at one point or another. As always I enjoyed the breath of life you give to your work.

[K.S.78]

Thank you!

[Shay]

1) written extremely well 2) something that sticks out to the world 3) understandable to many many people 4) made me cry

[Brianna Brie]

This could actually be a metaphor of sorts for the pain that a break up causes. I really like the way you ended it "chillingly morbid". Great write!

[K.S.78]

Thank you!

[Rahul]

great write once again, words're deep here.

[K.S.78]

Thank you!

[LaVonneTheLovely]

You really take the reader on a journey throughout the poem! It's beautiful and so relatable to so very many people. So glad to have read this! This part was one of my favorites: You sure taught me

I became a cutter when I became homeless

You left me with nothing

A foreclosure notice

No Dear John letter

Hotter than hell outside your cold overwhelmed me

I wore an embroidered scarlet long-sleeved sweater

[K.S.78]

Thank you!

[LaVonneTheLovely]

You're welcome! It gave me chills all over again just reading over my review just now!

[Steve]

This is chilling...and a bit mesmerizing. wow.

[K.S.78]

Thank you for taking the time to read my work!

[Steve]

No problem at all. I am impressed.

[Simon Welsh]

I used to cut. Personal reasons. I liked how this was written.

[K.S.78]

Thanks! :)

[Graveyardfuck]

*sigh* I do understand this. I cut because of my ex. He's...well... turned to someone else. A man with only the mind set of tainting every innocent girl. Most of them being close friends. At least, they were...
Anway, I really liked this. Great piece.

[K.S.78]

I'm sorry your ex was not very nice to you. Not all guys are like that though not even the one who inspired this. It was a very sad very hard breakup. I was pretty bad and I still have my moments as i bet a lot of us do. Thanks for the review! Keep your chin up! :)

[Anna a. S.M.]

Wow, thank you for this poem! ... I stopped cutting a long time ago, and I'm so glad I did stop .... because of no one but me. I stopped for myself! Maybe other people brought me to cutting but I stopped because I and only I wanted to stop.

Your poem is really great and you show empathy for people like me or people who are still cutting.
And I'm glad to hear that you don't cut :)

[K.S.78]

You are welcome, this is one of my favorite pieces. I am happy to hear you have stopped but I'm also sorry you were sad.

I really do have so much empathy, trust me I know nobody is without their own set of issues. Ty for reading and your kind review! :)