Walking Like Children

This is a letter I have written personally, for you.

My Dearest Comrade, 

We are strangers in passing but yet I seek to connect with you. Do not fear me nor think me queer that I should be so bold. I know that regardless of our perceived differences we are very much the same and I would  like to make your acquaintance.  

It would seem that honesty is only considered upon passing a series of tests in order to gain trust. Only then through a common interest and a judge of character should we begin to appreciate each others companionship. 

Why, my friend, do we choose to fear one another until we decide that we are worth speaking honestly?

I understand, that there are those whom would take advantage of such philosophy, for they are deceivers. We must be on our guard, comrade! 

But, suppose these deceivers had nothing to fear? 

Suppose we all could live by such virtue and, instead of fear, simply choose to love unconditionally?

Such is my dream, comrade.

That, we would embrace the opportunity to pave old roads in such freedom they would shine like polished gold under a new Sun. 

My God, what words would we speak?

 

What truths would we find within our own hearts to heal our very souls!

I could shout from the tallest mountain that every living creature would hear my secret; yet would fall to my knees  in despair of those who are deaf.

This truth is the most natural thing we have ever known.

It is so natural, comrade, that it can be seen and demonstrated in the innocence of a child. 

They know nothing else! 

What could be more natural than this? It is as natural as taking air.

I hope this letter finds you well, comrade. 

May we both guide ourselves to walk like children.

Sincerely, 

Sectando

Reviews

[Pryde Foltz]

But, suppose these deceivers had nothing to fear?

Suppose we all could live by such virtue and, instead of fear, simply choose to love unconditionally?

Such is my dream, comrade.

Indeed, indeed. Yes, sectando. A worthy write.

[Sectando]

Thank You :)

[jade162]

I love this. Very strong, and great to read. Love the word choice, and the placement of them.

[Sectando]

Thank you much, Jade :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the poem. You open the door to questions.
"Why, my friend, do we choose to fear one another until we decide that we are worth speaking honestly?"
The poem had the feel of Jack London words in "When Gods laughs". You were direct and your words true. I remember days of long conversation and a chess game. I even carry a chess board with me where ever I went. The game of chess create quick friendship and good talk. Hard days to find today. Last freedom is the word. When we forget to talk. Men and women will be lost. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Stonz P.]

Well, this is fantastic and strong.

And below I oversaw a few objections to the usage of 'comrade'. Maybe, I'm an Indian and do not understand what stance people have over a word that means 'friend', 'ally'.
First of all, use whatever the heck you like, Sectando! No one has any rights to tell you what you should use to please the public until your intention is to 'please the public'! They like it, they don't like it. Part of the game.
I do not think there is that intention.

This is like a Mark Antony monologue and begins with the explosiveness of:
"Friends, Romans and countrymen,
Lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar,
Not to praise him"

The middle and the conclusion are good too.
"My God, what words do we speak" ;)

A pleasure to make your acquaintance.

[Sectando]

Thank you for this detailed review. I appreciate your feedback and the pleasure is mine.

[Cryingkate]

Well I see the word Comrade sticks out..... Here's my two cents yeah it works for me because I am on the defensive side of the fence against the unseen that also you see.
So it works for me.. But those who are not awake to that unseen or aren't takig a stance or thought about it Feels the war tone and don't understand it.
I am aware of the war.
I must say and not to disregard anyone else's opinions, They are ALL very good thoughts and perspectives.
But when Chris shares his opinion.... Your pretty Lucky cause he is an Ole Pro! If you want what works on the whole and aren't stuck in Ego Gear or have a purposely self opinion then I'd take Chris's advice.

[Sectando]

In regard to constructive criticism I have found that I prefer to leave the critiqued piece as is and save the advice for future writing. I feel if I were to make changes, it would no longer be my work.

[Cryingkate]

I understand.. Years ago in my early days of writing I use to think like that.
Later as time went It didn't matter.
But in the very beginning No Way Hosea :-)

[uNmAsKeD-dEluSiOns]

I actually like your use of Comrade- Don't change it I think it's perfect. It gives you the power in this piece, it's very authoritative which I think is good for this specific piece. This was well said. I loved this line: "Why, my friend, do we choose to fear one another until we decide that we are worth speaking honestly?" Very true and so well said. I like the deep meaning of this and that it really gets you thinking. Great piece!

[Sectando]

Thank you for your detailed review, I appreciate the feedback :)

[uNmAsKeD-dEluSiOns]

Your welcome, :)

[Lyn Anderson]

I think this is beautiful. I do wonder, however, about the choice of the word Comrade -- perhaps it depends upon the audience. Generally, a North American audience may not favour that word, as the tone of the letter is soft and eloquent, and that word doesn't have great resonance here. All in all, though, a nice piece.

[Sectando]

I can see why people are having a hard time associating with my choice in wording but actually this makes me want to keep it even more. The letter is written by a person who feels estranged from humanity, the fact that readers are having such a hard time with the word comrade is a prime example of how we become uncomfortable with things or people or culture that we are not accustomed to. I wrote it with a russian accent in my mind, this writer could very well be russian speaking to humanity as a whole and not just to someone from his home country or rather, a "comrade".

[Lyn Anderson]

Interesting. I am not upset by the word, just wondering about its usage.

[Sectando]

understandable. come to think of it i may have used the word specifically so that readers would associate it with a russian accent and set the tone of receiving a letter from a foreign stranger.

[MomzillaNC]

I like your comment above: that the use of the word demonstrates the narrator's feelings of estrangement from humanity. In that context, I think you may be correct in clinging to that word in this piece. In that light, it may well be the pivotal point of the piece.

[Sectando]

thank you momzilla for your input on all accounts. i did take your original opinion into consideration but as I explained above it only reinforced my reason for using the word to begin with. i'm glad i was able to clear up where i was trying to come from, especially in relation to my choice of the word which seemed to throw a monkey wrench into readers gears. my writing style may also just not be everyone's cup of tea and that's okay.

[MomzillaNC]

Actually, I liked your writing. I found the term "comrade" jangling; but, as I said above, in the light you expressed above, I do think you're correct and it fits the intent of the piece well.

[Sectando]

Thank You :)

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[MomzillaNC]

Comrade strikes a negative tone in this piece. Perhaps "stranger" or "wayfarer" or "journeyer" or "friend" or a combination of those would be better suited to your theme. "Comrade" is harsh and contradictory to your title.

[Sectando]

Thank you for the feedback. I am having difficulty understanding why the use of comrade seems negative or harsh. The very definition of the word is half the message that we are all Comrades.

[MomzillaNC]

The definition does not conceptualize the modern colloquial connotations of the word. The USSR and other oppressive communist regimes have given the term negative connotations. It's like the term "boy" when applied to young men; the term has been so frequently used in a derogatory manner toward you African-American men that is has become a generally negative form of address toward all young men -- regardless of the literal definition.

[Eliza Mae]

I disagree with MomzillaNC.. I appreciate the use of "comrade" in this poem/letter to the reader. Taking into consideration the fact that you, Sectando, are influenced by Dostoevsky, makes perfect sense that you are utilizing the word "comrade". I also think it helps drive the point home that you are seeking loyal companionship. Well done!

[MomzillaNC]

I didn't say I agreed wight the connotation. I can only relate the truth of cultural understanding. And, I speak from the perspective of someone with more than 25 years in the design and publishing print media fields.

[Eliza Mae]

That's wonderful! Maybe you can spend the next 25 years relating to the truth of K. Sectando understanding. Then you'll have the bragging rights to that as well! :)

I'm not saying I don't appreciate your suggestions, but you must know that having more than just one perspective on a poem will give you the likeness of diversity and the empathy which writers crave. I could flash my credentials around too, but that wouldn't justify my lack of creativity.

[MomzillaNC]

Please don't involve yourself in my conversation with him, especially with such rudeness. I have no control over the realities of cultural inference, but care enough about Sectando's intelligence and poetic gift to be honest and give him the benefit of real experience and practical knowledge. And, without being rude. He asked for clarification on a point, which I was not the only review to note. I gave HIM my honest and forthright answer; the most accurate I could relate. You're condescension toward me is unwarranted.

[Sectando]

I appreciate both of your input and do not value praise over constructive criticism or vice versa. I welcome all opinions and make my own choices. No writer or artist, no matter how great they are will ever be able to please every single person with their style, so it does not bother me.

I thank you both for your reviews. If you feel more comfortable you are welcome to send me a private message instead.

[Eliza Mae]

Yes, Ma'am.. My sincerest apologies. Though, I felt a nerving courage to speak up and defend my new friend here, and the writing style he is so obviously passionate about.

[MomzillaNC]

I hope my information answered your original query.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you for your apology. I understand the urge to defend a friend.

[Chris]

Your use of "comrade" echoes negatively in my mind - and it feels superfluous to me.

An interesting premise and a fair prose-poem style. I could see sitting across a table - coffee in hand and talking...

[Sectando]

Thank you for your honesty. Could you elaborate more on the negative tone behind my using the word "comrade"?

[Chris]

Its multiple usage and positional placement separates you from most societal conversational norms I am familiar with. I don't accept a false statement of personal familiarity or an unearned professional or military-based recognition ...that help?

[Dalton Holt]

I don't know if this can be considered a poem, dew to whole structure of it, but I like it. It seems like your quite a thinker, as you've said yourself. You have many quotable lines in this letter, or poem, or what ever you may call it. Your word choice is very good, and the way you phrase the sentences is excellent. I especially like all the points you make, definitely gets you thinking about it.

[Sectando]

Thank You, really appreciate the feedback and that you found it to be engaging.