Suicide Daydream (4AM)

Another one of my early poems. Depressing s**t ;)

Running scissor's blades across my wrists,

So that they are striped a million shades of red-white-pink,

Occasionally yielding a ruby, needle-thin stream of blood,

It flows and rolls in beads of black-red, like crimson tear-tracks,

The void between two bleeding veins grows deeper with every knife-stroke.

 

Disconnected daydreams, offbeat, coinciding with semi-lucid nightmares,

Sometimes there's guilt that feels like electric shocks, bullet-wounds,

But mostly just the same blank whiteness, a world of medicated mist,

Crimson rain seeeping through in the darkest hours.

 

Everyone mentally implores that I willl eventually cut deep enough,

Goddamn them all to the coldest chamber of a hell I don't believe in,

They inflict their irksome advice upon me, I shut it all out, I don't really care,

Don't tell me that I shouldn't give up on myself and everyone else that I knew,

You were always the one to pray to a false god for my death.

 

If I survive, if I save me from myself,

Let it be known that it was just to spite YOU

Author's Note

Wrote a 4AM one morning several months ago :)

Reviews

[Lewis Davis-Norman]

THE WORLD NEEDS TO READ YOUR WRITING. THE FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE AND IMAGERY IS BRILLIANT.

[KatDarkness]

Thanks so much for your kind words =)

[ValBonScallon]

Another well structured piece. The way she cuts is indicative of quite a bit here. First, her main motivation is NOT to end her life. The correct way to slit your wrists is not across those veins but up your arm. This tells me the endorphins from cutting help, but it further says she is staying alive as she said to "spite you." Anger, revenge, keeps her going, and the endorphins ease the having to put up with pricks all day.

[KatDarkness]

Thanks for the review :)
Yeah, the girl in the poem hadn't aquired enough experience to cut herself properly at that point. She soon learnt though ;) "down the road, not across the street" and all that.