Smoke

Smoke

Smoke rises,

A boy cries.

Lost and lonely,

Lover dies.

Time skips,

One, two, three, four

Fixed heart,

Not like before.

Wearing white,

He holds my hand,

Reads my past while I write the future.

Gone too fast,

Put on your black shirt,

I wear my best.

Eyes undress the well-dressed dead

Inherited books written and read.

Can you fill up an empty soul?

One way but you don’t care.

We’ll never be whole,

Desire and passion is naked

I don’t deserve your stare.

Back to the smoke,

Ashes dance on the wind.

A boy is crying.

It is my fault,

All the lying,

No more trying.

I almost want the fight,

Want the pain,

Inspiration, something to write,

Something certain to keep me sane. 

Reviews

[AliciaB]

This poem contains many examples of powerful imagery, like "Eyes undress the well-dressed dead" and "Ashes dance on the wind." It's a bit confusing and obscure in places, but that adds depth to it - each line expresses a different facet of the intense emotions related to this experience. My favorite part is the final two lines - even though I've never been in the specific situation described in the poem, I can definitely relate to the ideas expressed at the end. Very intriguing piece overall. Nice work!

[Kat Mandu]

Thanks :) It's one of the very few poems I've written that are based on something that I've gone through, and is slightly ambiguous (I think) so thanks for the positive comments!

[Sinn]

So powerful and full of emotion. Definitely something I can relate to, and as I read it, I feel the passion behind the words in every line I read. It's very obviously written from your heart, and it feels natural in the sense that it doesn't feel like it was written just because you felt obligated to write something. Doesn't feel forced at all. Awesome job, keep it up!

[Kat Mandu]

Thanks alot!

[Sinn]

You're very welcome!