Cognito Ergo Sum

Letting go of you

Is like letting go of a piece of me;

Emancipating

A fragment of my identity.

I know I can’t blame the past

For the present, nor resent it,

Or use it to excuse my abuse of you

Like a substance that I fiend.

I must come clean,

Get clean,

Dialysis,

Dilute you from my bloodstream.

 

I learned you like a language,

You’re in every syllable I know.

A semiotic cipher

Lodged inside my throat.

But even if I tore out my tongue

My mind would still speak of you

Because love was in my nature

But my heart, it nurtured you.

We were so young,

I was still becoming

A woman, learning love

From a teacher whose lessons were in vain;

An education for the insane and now

My every thought is stalked

By the shadow of you.

 

You lurk behind intentions,

Ideas and aspirations,

You’re always playing on the radio

And engraved in wooden fences.

You fall out of my pocket

In movie tickets and to-do lists.

You sit beneath me in my car

When I don’t adjust my headrest.

You vibrate in my purse

Every time my number’s dialed,

Even though it’s been a while--

You wipe the smile off my face

When I see it isn’t you.

You’re in every person that I meet

And the ones already known,

You’re the reason when in a crowd

I always feel alone.

You’re the absence in my day

That I can’t escape even in sleep

Because of course it is your face

That invades my every dream.

 

But, just the same as I learned you in

I will learn you out,

Even if that means

I must carry cumbersome memories

Until one day I drown you out.

You’re part of my identity

And I am my own worst enemy.

If I murder mindless melancholy

Perhaps I can reintroduce

Me to Myself.  

Reviews

[Robin]

these are the things that make us , hammered on the forge that tries to break us , in the letting go - we fly

[Chris]

As a review - I listened three times - as I always do... and a fourth just because...

As a comment - we link damn near everything - without a conscious intent, just being IN-love and then (depending on cause or circumstance) even death might not be a viable option to somehow survive the sheer self-devastation and allow us to return as a single self - again. Age doesn't make it any easier either.

Take care,
Chris