No Man Left Behind (revised)

We walk away, to see who follows. 

I always followed you, chased you down-

You won’t even look towards the horizon 

where I disappeared from view. 

Back turned, eyes straight ahead. 

  (Oh, what a Soldier you’ve become; 

  betraying the only one 

  who always had your back) 

I put every memory of you 

out of sight, so I am not reminded, 

but I still think of you every day. 

How can I not- 

when there is ink in my skin for you? 

I chose the placement behind my ear 

as a symbol of your permanence -

always on my mind, 

while you were deployed-

always on my mind, 

no matter the distance. 

Now, all I want is one day-- 

o n e  d a y-- 

where I won’t think of you. 

I once thought we were phoenixes; 

 ‘we burn for each other, 

 we are born of each other, 

 no one can hold a candle to this’ 

Now I’m left here, burning, all alone. 

I never pictured this hurting so much- 

hurting more than hearing you were killed in action,

hurting more than standing over your casket.

I was lying to myself for the past 7 years, 

and I hate you for letting me believe you--

that you were still my best friend. 

All those pretty words you said, 

they held no meaning behind them. 

All those apologies that 

you never followed through with. 

Now that I’ve grown up, 

I can see how meaningless it all was. 

I can see how disenchanted I was,

to think you were my friend, 

without any ulterior motive. 

So, I hope whenever you look at her, 

you see me. 

And I hope it hurts

to know she is not me

and simultaneously,

the very reason you will 

never have me,

[my friendship] again.

And I hope you realize what you've done. 

Maybe then, you would have 

given a second thought 

(But your friendship was always 

more about taking than giving)

about throwing me away 

and running for cover-

like I was a grenade.

Well, Soldier, you still have the pin 

clenched between your teeth- 

how will you ever kiss her sincerely 

with that metallic taste in the way? 

This is my grief over the death of a friendship. 

Irreparable damage over 12 years 

has left nothing but smoke and shrapnel in its' wake.