7/11/2012 (Words In Your Memory)

My sister’s 29th birthday would have been today.
Instead, she’s forever young, stuck at 23.
It’s strange to think
I’m now 2 years older than my big sister -
experiencing things she never got a chance to do,
in this lifetime.

I remember one July,
decorating for her birthday party.
I made delicate little flowers out of crepe paper,
and constructed a giant “18”
- the age she was turning -
on the chainlink fence surrounding our pool,
so when she came around
to the back of the house
she would be surprised…
And as far as I can remember, she loved it.

It’s strange to walk around,
with this notion nestled in my heart.
To be fully aware of the vacant space in this world
where she used to exist,
and to look at the people around me
who go on without noticing.

To know that, instead of blowing out candles
on another birthday cake
with a smile spread wide across her face,
she sits in a beautiful wooden box
reduced to ashes and fragments of bone.

I want to tell every single person I meet today,
not for the sympathy
- I’ve had enough of the sympathy -
but just so they can understand a different perspective,
even if its only for the following 20 minutes of their lives.
If only to remind them,
that the surrounding people in their daily lives
may carry around these feelings
that society tells us not to show.

Why are we told to be so cold and stoic,
that any emotion other than happy
is completely and utterly wrong.
Unacceptable.

And the strangest thing of all,
is that no one you pass on the street is happy.
Not ultimately happy.
We are all in the search for it,
and some are lucky enough to grasp it in their fist,
for seconds or hours or maybe a day or three.
But happiness always leaves.
Like the tide, it ebbs and flows,
rushing in and taking over like a tidal wave
only to pull away and recede
until the next current pushes it
back upon our heads.

We are all human and
we are all struggling with the weather in our hearts
and we are all searching for that paradise lost.
But even in paradise, there are sometimes stormclouds.
All you can do is wait it out
and keep looking for the beauty
that will light up your sky.

I love you, Nicole. Words in your memory.

Reviews

[Kyline Freed]

This is amazing and sad, I'm sorry what you went through but you put it into word beautifully!

[A Glow in the Pit of My Soul]

Thank you, doll ♡

[BDOHERTY527]

beautifully written my love. All emotions come and go, which is what makes them slightly easier to deal with sometimes. :)

[A Glow in the Pit of My Soul]

♡ ebb & tide, I'm just floating