Breath Taken Away

When I was confused once upon a time, a girl cleared up my mind.

Breath taken away 

Girls only wanted me for my body and soul
They never let me concentrate on my goals
My life just kept drifting away
Girls got involved but girls didn't stay
I waited and stressed day after day
That one day some girl's going to take my breath away
I kept my dreams alive
Day and night I strive

I made no mistake
No heart did I break
Far far away , far over seas
A girl i'd not know , suffered the lonely disease
And one day we spoke , with tender words
My heart melted , my mind blurred
I fell in love , its like she was sent from above
State of mind , eyes turned blind
My feelings invoked , love was the only word I spoke
I couldn't control the feelings I had
These feelings inside me weren't so bad
We would sit up at night , stare at the stars
She and me would talk for hours
We danced in the moonlight , we danced till day
I looked in her eyes ,my breath taken away.

Reviews

[s y e]

Wow, this was good. You got the emotions perfectly! Well done my dear.

[DoNt LoSe YoUrSeLf]

I found this so cute and the rhyming worked so well with this too! A lot of girls in your life don't stay around to really know you like you know yourself, but once you find the one you feel is right, you'll instantly know. Your heart will beat faster when they are around, you might get a bit nervous and as you said, your breath will be taken away. That's when you know you've found love. Great write!

[KeeD]

xD exactly, thank you for the kind review, glad you liked it :)

[DoNt LoSe YoUrSeLf]

You're welcome! I honestly couldn't stop smiling as I was reading through it. Haha.

[KeeD]

haha wow that's adorable :D

[DoNt LoSe YoUrSeLf]

Being honest though nonetheless :)

[KeeD]

I wrote it a bout a girl, I liked who lived really really far away. I loved her more than I've loved anyone my whole life and she got me into actually sitting down and writing my ideas out, for that i'll always thank her.

[DoNt LoSe YoUrSeLf]

I know how that feels...falling in love with someone who isn't near you. That always seems to be easier for me than to fall in love with someone close to me...perhaps because I talk better when I'm online and opening up to them than if I was in person. I'm not good at explaining or talking about my feelings in person, makes me uncomfortable. But online, I feel the connection I would have if the person was next to me...I feel my emotions for them and they begin to build.

[Carolann Dowsett]

So beautiful to be in the place where love clouds everything else and takes over your heart and your soul. If only it would stay that way forever :) Another awesome poem from you

[KeeD]

Thank you :) and if only..

[Carolann Dowsett]

Yes if only :)

[Bronwen Cox Hollinger]

Very well done... Most poems focus on action or emotion. This emphasizes both.

[}Echo{]

Beautiful poem. I haven't read this one. Shows a lot of emotion. I like this. Nice write. :)

[KeeD]

Thank you :D, can't believe I used to feel that way, it seems like a distant memory now days.

[}Echo{]

Welcomes. :) Yeah.. Well I'm glad you feel better now. :))

[Andie]

Ah, a beautiful love poem. I haven't read one in a long time, and this was wonderful. :)

[KeeD]

Thank you, that's really sweet of you to say. ;3

[Andie]

No problem. :)

[Frieda P]

You did a great job with getting the emotions across, I felt this one was a little choppy and didn't flow quite as well. All in all, a nice love story.

[KeeD]

Thank you, I'll work on it, i'm kind of vulnerable when it comes to love and writing about it, it isn't that easy for me one to many heartbreaks have left this boy scarred and scared.

[Frieda P]

hah, you've only just begun! Besides, that struggling poet needs that pain to work off of. :-P

[KeeD]

So true :P, you're such a good motivator, kudos to more people being as awesome as you!

[Frieda P]

Don't be falling in love with me now, I'm old enough to be your mother! lol ;)

[KeeD]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0DeIqJm4vM
hahaha besides that^ i'm not sure what else to say :P

[Frieda P]

LMAO...OMG, my face hurts from laughing, never had a Mother's Day like that!!

If doing this is wrong, I don't wanna be right! hahaha

[KeeD]

hahaha, "wink, wink"

[Frieda P]

I got my digital camera... hahahahaha :D

[KeeD]

gonna make you do a million poses, haha.
Should I rename this poem "All up under the covers day?" haha.

[Frieda P]

LOLOLOL

[Frieda P]

By the way, what's wrong with only being wanted for your body and soul?
;-)

[skiayly]

Sounds like the most beautiful thing to want to have in a relationship

[KeeD]

Sure was, thank you ;3

[Bluefire]

This is a beautiful descrption of the emotion love put into a set of words that tells and amazing story. Well done! ^^

[KeeD]

thank you ;3

[Bluefire]

No problem ^^

[chandlerl]

A beautiful love poem =)
Thanks for sharing it.
Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

[KeeD]

thank you! :D