Extreme Vigilantism

"CRIME RATES SKYROCKET!

A surge of criminals take over our streets!

Everyday there is more and more crime reported. The criminals have become so bold that they steal the wallets right out of people's pockets. The police are becoming overwhelmed and can’t keep up with all of the arrests. The crime rate is up by forty percent compared to the same day last year…"

      Mickey Elliott crumples his newspaper and throws it on the ground. He stands up from the bench and continues walking to the grocery store. He's wearing a worn-out, three-piece, black, pinstriped suit, a beat up fedora, and a solid black tie. The streets of New York are filled with people heading home from work. The golden rays of the evening sun fill the gaps between the city's buildings.

      Mickey thinks, Every week for the last two months there has been an article about the increasing crime in this city. If times were tough when I was a boy people helped one another not hurt each other. It is only getting worse and worse because the jails in this city are useless. There wouldn’t be any criminals on the streets if we just shot 'em all. Instead they commit a crime and by the weeks end they are back on the streets again, stealing from those who can't afford it. These criminals are so selfish and pathetic that they don't even care that everyone is struggling since the market crashed last year. Somebody needs to just start killing them all just like back in the war. Whenever I captured some Jerries they sure as hell didn’t make it to a cell.

      A boy no more than twelve bumps into Mickey hard. Mickey grabs the boy's arm as he tries to rush off. "What's the big idea boy? You bump into somebody and don't apologize. Didn’t anyone ever teach you some respect? Maybe I should be the one to teach you."

      "I'm sorry mister. It's just that I'm in a hurry. I was supposed to be home an hour ago."

      "I don't care what your excuse is. If you bump into somebody you take the time to apologize."

      "I'm sorry, mister."

      Mickey lets go of the boys arm. As soon as he does the boy takes off running down the street. Mickey continues walking to the store. A few moments later a man in white shirt covered with black smudges, suspenders holding up his brown worn-out cotton pants, bumps into Mickey. The man says sorry as he quickly walks away.

      Mickey thinks, "What is wrong with people today. I…" He reaches into his pocket and finds that his wallet is gone. He turns around and yells, "Thief. Thief."

      People on the street stop to look at Mickey as he yell's. Mickey begins to run towards the man yelling thief. The man looks over his shoulder and sees Mickey, and begins to run away. Other people on the street watch and Mickey chases him into alley that leads to a dead-end. There are a few broken bottles on the ground leading to the dead end along with dozens of cigarette butts near the doors in the alley. There are also two wooden crates by a door at the dead-end. Mickey grabs the man by his collar and begins pummeling his face. With each strike Mickey says a word.

      "You… like… stealing… from… hard… working… people… My kids… will starve… without… that… money."

      The man's knees buckle but Mickey holds him up. The man is half conscious and stares at Mickey for a second. He begins to say, "Please." Before he can finish the word Mickey throws him into a nearby wooden crate. The crate crumbles and the man is lying in a pile of straw and broken wood. Mickey jumps onto the man and puts his knees on either side of the man's ribs. Mickey then grabs a large piece of broken wood and stabs the man in the center of his torso, just below his rib cage. After watching the blood run out of the man's mouth for a few moments, Mickey stands up. He checks the man's pockets.

      After finding only two pennies, lint, and a picture of a nine year old girl he thinks, He's not the one who took it. He stares at the body and glances at the blood on his hands. Well… he must have been guilty of something. Why else would he have run? I did this world a favor and got rid of another criminal. I made it safer for my son and daughter. I need to keep making it safer.

      Mickey tries to close his jacket to cover as much of his blood speckled shirt as possible and then puts his bloody hands in his pockets. He then leaves the alley and starts to head home.

Author's Note

I would love to hear about everything you liked or thought needed work. Also if you notice any spelling or punctuation mistakes that I may have missed I would be very grateful if you pointed them out.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

People on the street stop to look at Mickey as he yell's. Mickey begins to run towards the man yelling thief. The man looks over his shoulder and sees Mickey, and begins to run away. Other people on the street watch and Mickey chases him into ally that leads to a dead-end. There are a few broken bottles on the ground leading to the dead end along with dozens of cigarette butts near the doors in the ally. There are also two wooden crates by a door at the dead-end. Mickey grabs the man by his collar and begins pummeling his face. With each strike Mickey says a word.
"You… like… stealing… from… hard… working… people… My kids… will starve… without… that… money."

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Mickey tries to close his jacket to cover as much of his blood speckled shirt as possible and then puts his bloody hands in his pockets. He then leaves the ally and starts to head home.
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I believe in those areas --- you misspelled --- ally versus alley...

I do like the fast pace this takes in the read...yet I would go back and reword the first paragraph I copy/pasted in my review...this ends quite fast...unless there is a continuation to this plot...seems Mickey is a chaotic good type of fellow...with a bitter temper for injustice...yet commits the same acts and thinks its fine...I can only imagine him finding the real thief...the kid...in the next chapter...I could just edit and show you what I mean:

People on the street stop to look at him as he yells. Mickey begins to run towards the man yelling thief. The man looks over his shoulder and sees him, and begins to run away. Other people on the street watch as Mickey chases him into alley that leads to a dead-end. There are a few broken bottles on the ground, along with dozens of cigarette butts, and wooden crates near the doors beside alley. Mickey grabs the man by his collar, begins pummeling his face, and with each strike says a word:
"You… like… stealing… from… hard… working… people… My kids… will starve… without… that… money."

Just a bit more clarity and gives less with more...the usage of your words and the way you reflect that to the reader...makes the paragraph concrete --- without over usage of the same thing over and over again...

[KeithDL]

Thank you very much for your review! I will definitely fix the ally alley thing and I will try and rework the paragraph you suggested a little bit.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...