It's Not Me, It's You

Dear Childhood,

I shouldn’t have taken you for granted. My most sincere apologies for I am the unfortunate misguided fool now. At age eighteen, I realized something tonight: our fairytale story has come to an end. I sit here thinking about those shared turns on the swingset, the everlasting hide n seek games and that one time I truly gave the definition of s***s and giggles, or rather giggles and s***s, in my kindergarten class.

 To be blunt, I miss you. What we had was special, but I’ve come to realize that..this is it. When I take the time to tell my children and my grandchildren about you, the story is already sealed and packaged for their beady little eyes to bear upon and soak in like the sun on those hot afternoons playing red light/green light. There is no editing for you, my love. I’ll either remember it all or lose it all. This is the end but not to worry, you, dear, will be in my mind till the day I die. But I don’t get a chance; I didn’t get a chance, to make you into something I wanted.

Stereotypically, childhood should be happy and carefree: innocent is the word most commonly spat. That’s not what I experienced. That wasn’t you at all, now was it, love? I spent my time as a kid looking in the mirror and pushing the sides of my eyes out so I had “Asian eyes”. And for some reason, I thought I looked prettier that way. That day prefaced the next when I poured myself a huge glass of milk, grabbed a bag of carrots, and headed to my parents’ room to do some workouts. I pinched the fat of my stomach as tears reflected in the mirror. That was my childhood, locked in a tower away from normalcy. That was you, darling, don’t you remember?

 I spent several class periods with you, my love, just thinking about how much prettier that one girl in my class was. She was beautiful, with all the boys falling for her every move. But there I sat with my glasses and freakish hair with no one making me feel as beautiful as the moon. Where was my knight in shining armor? Look at what you, love, have created and what you have encouraged.

But that past is over now: we’re over now. You and I had something, but I will not allow your burden to stop me from reaching new heights and becoming someone I’m proud to be. I now have control. I have purpose. I have a dragon of memories, slain and conquered to reveal me.

Thanks for the opportunity, my love, and thanks, for showing me I can do much, much better.

Sincerely, The damsel no longer in distress

 

 

Reviews

[R. Bartilet]

I absolutely loved this. The honesty. Amazing and well said.
I felt longing during the first paragraph because as school started, I, too finally realized that I'm growing too fast. I felt so attached to this piece, like you were basically writing my thoughts. And as I progressed, I grew terribly sad because no one deserves to experience a childhood like that. But nevertheless, it was a touching and heartfelt story. Well done.

[Hatchling]

Wonderful write

[Samuel Dickens]

Excellent. Reading along, I easily put myself in the picture, male though I am. Hopefully, your children and grandchildren will find your stories of childhood interesting. (I tell a lot of those kind of stories, too)