Cerulescence

A Story by Kelly

I didn't even know I loved you till your eyes told me so.

When I first met you I could not stand you. I met you at the cafeteria of my college, we were both workers there in the deli. I was still new and it was obvious with how slow I was but I viewed the way you worked as an excessive compulsion. Clean the cutting board after every sandwich you make, you said. Clean around the food pans every time your not busy, you said. Save the heels of the bread and ask customers if the heels are okay for their sandwich, you said. Whatever I cleaned, you had to clean again because it wasn't good enough. I came to dread that shift because of the constant nagging and reprimanding. But then, I found out we liked the same books.

You were a fantasy fan, a fan of books like "Eragon" and "Lord of the Rings." I can't dislike someone that likes "Eragon" and "Lord of the Rings." I decided to give you a second chance and when I stopped focusing on what made you annoying, I realized you acted the way you did because you were a good worker. You do things right the first time and you do not falter to go where you were needed. My annoyance turned to admiration, and it changed the way I worked.

After that, you seemed to become friendlier all the time and I began to see new sides of you. You were smart, a problem solver and an encyclopedia of information. You were funny, a sense of humor my grandpa would of got a kick out of. And it wasn't until that one moment when we were laughing together that I realized I had gone from liking you as a friend to liking you as a man. It wasn't your laugh or that I was laughing with you, it was when I looked at you and your eyes trapped me. Your eyes still flash in front me when I recall them. Your eyes are blue, a blue on that edge of light and dark that does not take a side. You would think such a color would be dull but when I looked at your eyes it reminded me of moving water, water drifting in a current around dark pupils. I thought I was looking at a reflection of a soul.

For the longest time I could not describe the way your eyes looked. There wasn't a color that could match them. It wasn't until Bill Nye did a speech at my college that I found the word for that color. He was describing the advances in technology for science, most advances meant for changing the world to help stop global warming. But int he beginning of his speech he talked about a tool that had been inspired by sundials. Sundials work by creating a shadow based on the position of the sun. But scientist had found that these shadows could help them understand the the colors of the sky. So they installed a advanced sundial on the moon to describe the sky of the moon. One of the words they used to describe the colors of the shadows made was Cerulescence.

Cerulescence describes a shadow with blue shades, and as soon as I heard the word I knew it was it. It was the word I had been looking for to describe his eyes. Cerulescence. It was a word that suggested ethereal clouds and all the blue shades of the sky. Cerulescence was the color of those eyes. But I cannot say that those Cerulescent eyes are mine.

When I had begun to realize my affections for him, he was doting on my good friend. Why? Why had I not realized my feelings for him sooner? Why did it have to be my friend? I could not hang out with my friend without him being there, and even though my friend was still not sure about dating him I still felt hurt. How could I choose between my happiness, his happiness, and my friend's happiness? I wanted all of them to be happy. I wanted to be happy. I had to make a choice even if it was one that would hurt me.

I chose to say nothing. And I stepped back to a safer distance.

Both of them were more valuable than my own happiness. And if they were both happy to be together then I would be happy for them because their happiness... is happiness to me. I can live with that.

Goodbye Cerulescent eyes.