For Pretty Eyes

A poem inspired by a girl who now hates me...

Two stars aligned in brilliant night

Set my soul ablaze

As flecks of green intersperse with shades of violent blue

To breed an orange fire that bleeds out but does not stain the canvas.

 

There is a broken soul housed behind the flames that warm my heart.

I reach out, imagining myself removing every ounce of sadness.

But, my fingertips burn in cold heat.

Every ounce of her is screaming.

 

This deity was the graceful, tearful, perfection.

She was the embodiment of small-town woes.

Reaching out, I touch the frailty that is my porcelain doll.

And she cracks.  Falling to pieces and burning to ashes before me as my heart skips a beat.

 

There was numbness, tears, and the stars exploded around me.

Leaving me in darkness. My loneliness stabbing at me. Making my heart ache.

Desperation makes me heavy; causing me to sink into the abyss.

But, the once-porcelain image stands before me with her arms stretched out, smiling.

 

I take her hands, and together we melt into the night,

Becoming the brilliance that lights up the world.

We are the greatest love, the brightest stars,

An oasis of frozen fire, Aphrodite’s prize.  

Reviews

[Michael X]

the concept of finally finding the love of a life time is a universally mystical insight- you interface
the meaning overshadowed by aphrodite's golden hue as being the center force for such a
creation, as if the universe suddenly exists in the eyes of she who's world collided with the soul,

as well there are many aspects that set this piece among the celestial heights of thought,
primarily the projection and concept of imagery, such would have to be read in concentration
to appreciate the full quality of detail put forth... particularly images such as these lines:

"As flecks of green intersperse with shades of violent blue
To breed an orange fire that bleeds out but does not stain the canvas

for starters.. at the same time incorporating an entirely new dimesion regarding the
porcelain doll feature, giving your writing 4 dimensional as well as an otherwordly-
out of body touch.. I believe the concept of the stars represented the soul..

the concept of the cracked doll represented the heart of the relationship,
there's a powerful sense of blissful shadowing of emotions brought to terms with the last line...

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

I'm sure the ladies find your vulnerability refreshingly attracted(it works for me too!). Seriously, it's dope. Very creative, very descriptive. I enjoy how vivid it speaks and how well it flows. Your very gifted kid.......

[Jessica M.]

"fire that bleeds out but does not stain the canvas"
brilliant line, it really is.
i like this poem, i like the way you write.
your lines don't bleed together like so many writer's do.
each line has a point, and the points align together to make a beautiful design.

[Emily Rose]

The metaphor in this is incredible. Your imagery is specific, original and excellent. However, I think you jump from one image to the next a little too quickly - you may want to space it out a little more or make the transitions a little better. The structure also seems a little choppy, so you may want to try turning some of those periods into commas, semicolons and dashes. This is very well done; you should be very proud of it.

[Sabbath_Nikole]

WOW. This was totally moving. Wish i could be the girl on the other end of that, for someone. Thats an amazing poem. Beautiful.

[Poetic Injustice]

I love this. Thank you for sharing it.

[Rain]

I bet she cherished this. Lots of different color images. What is the color of love ? Beautiful. Rain..

[Dysis]

Very good. You are a talented writer, just have that faith in yourself. Your imagery is powerful.

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

That was such a sweet and dark poem poem: it's got the works!! The final stanza was just pure perfection! "Aphrodite's prize." Excellent way to finish it off. ^^ Awesome poem. :) Glad to have you back.

Ironically and Eternally Yours, Blade and Blood

P.S. You're right. "Lamb" is a really good book so far. lol XD It's really funny, too.

[Whiles]

this is a very powerful poem. The colors you use are very intense