you've become

Enjoy :)

You say that you will never let me cry
And if I ever will
It will be the cry of happiness
And not in pain

You say that you will never hurt me
And if you ever will
It will be the pain of laughter
And not the pain of agony

And now its sad to think
That you've become
The things that you say
That you will never be

And now I cry out my tears
Felt the pain that you've cause
Not in happiness nor in laughter
But in pain and agony

Reviews

[andrew mitchell]

just when you think you get it, the wind changes! nice work!

[JayG]

It seems a bit overwritten. If, for example, you say the cry will be of happiness, isn't it implicit that anything else will be one of unhappiness? If you define laughter, must you define the opposite?

As a minor point, the line opening should be "you said," not "say." given that all stanzas are in present tense., but can't be with the situation given.

But that aside, you are, in effect, reporting, and have your character complain of promises not kept. Do we know why they weren't? No. So isn't the poem one that lists the complaint of everyone, after a relationship ends, justified or not?

What I'm saying is that you haven't involved the reader, emotionally, but must. What can we get from a poem that matters but an emotional reaction? And that won't come from saying, in essence, "Aww...you iied to me." Done right, the reader FEELS the pain and reacts to it, rather than saying, "I see." In other words, make the reader care, not just know.

[Coyote Poetry]

Words, can lose value with time.
"And now I cry out my tears
Felt the pain that you've cause
Not in happiness nor in laughter
But in pain and agony"
The above lines. A lesson for the most of us. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[zunie frost]

I love each and every word of the poem !!!
I just kept Reading till it ends ... I really love your beautiful work and I certainly topic also... hanks for sharing

[Ted Kniffen]

Some things are better left gone. Learn and move on. Keep writing, it's what keeps us sane. Good write.

[LapseOfMind]

Funny how things change, words become hollow and empty. Nicely done