It makes no sense.

It makes no sense,

Darling of mine

that you should overlook me so.

Is my worth so short

that you see straight over my head?

What is it about her

That makes you sing yourself dry

Of every lovelorn, note

and yet i'm here

I'm here

looking through your eyes to

the blindness at the back of your head

the coldness at the

turn of your back.

your shoulders lay like ancient dunes

before me.

I glide my eyes over them because I can't sleep

and wonder if I'll ever be able to climb

this impossible Everest

of a man.

If I'll ever be able to conquer you.

Wondering keeps me awake

Speaking silently into your skin

Kept at bay

And I know this will never be won.

...

It makes no sense.

Reviews

[Edward Clay]

there are some random capitals here at the start of some lines, where the poem doesnt follow the 'capital letter at the start of each line' type of format. so it feels a little out of place with that.

"Of every lovelorn, note
and yet I'm here
I'm here"

This ssection feels a little odd - from where it goes from "of every lovelorn, note" to "and yet" - it doesn't flow. there should also be a full stop/period or semi colon or something after "yet I'm here".
I also think this line, "If I'll ever be able to conquer you." is unnecessary as it creates the feel in the previous image about Everest - it's better to leave image and to show the reader it, as opposed to showing them then telling them. if that makes sense.

as for the poem however, i think it's fantastic. there are some marvelous images and ideas - speaking silently into your skin - this has a sort of romanticism about it that sets it aside from other types of it. shoulders and ancient dunes, seeing into the backs of his eyes - all wonderful images that really give a sense of the situation, and not just a picture of it. i'm able to breath this one.

Hope I've been of some help!

[Adam Greenfield]

Speechless. I adore you and your writing.