It

When you dream of something so hard, it can become reality.

Softly spoken,

It calls my name,

It senses my doubt,

It senses my pain,

It could be pills,

Or rope or train,

A cut on the wrist,

Or bullet to the brain.

Quietly treading,

It opens my door,

It finds me sitting,

Alone on the floor,

It whispers in my ear,

'I can give you more'.

Slowly rising,

Its hand upon me,

It leads me away,

It sets me free.

I awake in sweat,

It's not here... Yet.

Author's Note

The stanzas are deliberately getting shorter, by the way :)

Reviews

[Lovecraft]

Simple in a good way. A nightmare soon to be awakened into our own small reality. It waits patiently at our door.

This poem definitely speaks to me. The concept of suicide can be quite alluring in certain circumstances. Loved the dark tone of this poem.

Good job!

[song writer]

I have an understanding of this and I hope you are getting help if you are feeling this way. Thank you for writing it really does help to let it all out.

[Coyote Poetry]

Direct and honest thoughts made the reader believe your words. Each statement added to the journey to a dead-end. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Ajla]

Well written.. Beautiful use of words, made me feel it in my heart. Good work.

[DoormanDan]

I enjoyed this piece. This flows fairly well, and you did a good job describing what "It" is able to do to you/for you without flat out giving away what "It" is. Leaving some things up to interpretation can be a positive thing when done correctly, and I think you did it correctly here.

I can see what you're going for with the shortening stanza length throughout, and I think your end result was a bit of a mixed bag. It's a clever idea, and it works decently as it is, but the poem just feels too short to really leave a tremendous impact on me. I think a more effective way of carrying this out would be to shorten the length of the stanzas by a smaller amount than what you did, give the poem a little more substance, and then carry on with how you ended it. That's just my opinion though, so take from it what you will.

Overall, this is strong material. Your strength is definitely in your ability to "keep it real" as they say, and you definitely have creativity. I just think a little tweaking is needed for this to graduate from a great piece to a spectacular piece. Keep up the great work! :)

[Chris]

Noticed the shortening - figured the "end" felt nearer.

[Tim]

Such a pretty girl; such bad thoughts.

[KCthelastboyscout]

This reads like a slow burn. In the end quietly beautiful.exquisite.

[emipoemi]

Apart from a minor grammatical error involving the wrong "it's" (there should be no apostrophe), this is brilliantly and beautifully composed. Brava! Simply well done!

[Kovarian]

I completely forgot! I assumed because it was possessive, there should be an apostrophe, but you're right! Thank you for pointing that out, I've made a correction.

Thank you so much for the compliments, I appreciate it more than you know!

[emipoemi]

the trick with apostrophes is that they are put in place of letters that are not there. "It's" is short for "it is" just like don't is short for "do not" (notice how the apostrophe denotes the missing letter). That's always the when-in-doubt trick.

And you're very welcome! Just doing what I do best. ;)