Two Peas in a Pod

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

As they say “a good friend bails you out of jail, but a best friend is sitting next to you saying ‘damn, we messed up!’” Jake’s best friend is Harry. Harry Streibler. These two guys have known each other since they were born making them as close as brothers. Growing up as neighbors, they became inseparable. They show us the greatest quality of life, friendship, which people search throughout their lifetime, whether it be in a friend, family member or a spouse. But, does friendship have its limits? Or will those limits bend to give way to the ever growing bond between two individuals? We learn about this and more in, Two Peas in a Pod.

 

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“Hello, thank you for having me today. As you already know, my name is Jake Varly. I’m here to talk to you today about my new award winning self help book, Two Peas in a Pod. In my book I’ve talked about the varying reasons of friendship, and for those of you out there that haven’t read my book, I’m going to sum up the premise. Then hopefully I can persuade you to read it. Well, let’s see, where do I begin?" says Jake to an audience that sits patiently while they listen to the esteemed author. Jake's demeanor shows that he's done this before and that he enjoys being the center of attention. "Well, as we know friends bring you joy. They make you laugh, no matter the joke, whether it be on them or on you. Ever notice how funny it is to watch your friend get injured instead of someone else. I remember my friend Harry fell down the stairs once, it had to be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Especially the way, he dropped the laundry he was carrying and hit the baby gate attached to the last step. It was hilarious. They basically give you reasons to get out of bed in the morning.”

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"Jake...I think I broke my arm. I can't move it. Holy s**t," cries a scared Harry lying beneath laundry at the bottom of a stairwell.

"Dude, you're fine. You want to do it again so I can get my camera?" replies Jake despite laughing uncontrollably. "No joke, we could submit it in to America's Funniest Home Videos! It'd win for sure!"

"Are you f*****g serious? My arm might be broken and all you can think about is winning some stupid contest!?" yells Harry angrily in pain.

"At least let me take a picture, I mean look at my sisters baby gate! It's destroyed! Now that I think about it, you might have to get us a new one."

"What the hell man! I'm seriously in pain. Call 911 for god sake!"

"Yeah yeah, stop bitching. I bet if I fell you'd do the same thing."

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"As much as I’d hoped I was wrong, I wasn’t. Not less than a month later, I fell off my roof while trying to hang Christmas lights and he called me a bad Santa while I lay in agonizing pain. Now that I think about it, I might just be putting friends on some sort of peddle stool because they’re jerks. But nevertheless, they always help you out when you’re in need."

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"Harry, are you sure? I don't want to impose," says Jake while standing on Harry's front porch with luggage behind him.

"No friend of mine is going to sleep outside in the cold. You can stay with me and Sally until you get back on your feet man."

"Thanks Harry, I promise I'll do everything in my power to get my s**t together. I won't be here long."

Harry puts his hand on Jake's shoulder, "I know Jake, I know. You're a good guy and if there's anybody that says otherwise they're an idiot and they got to deal with me!"

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"My friend, no, excuse me, my best friend Harry is unparalleled. He is a superhero and the epitome of a best friend. He’s practically my brother and there’s nothing I wouldn't do for him. He means the world to me. I s'pose I mean a lot to him too because he brings me to my next point. Friends take risks with you. After getting laid off, Harry and I vandalized my bosses house. It was the greatest thrill of my life. You ever done something so unspeakable and got that adrenaline rushing? Looking around I can see you devious little people trying to hide those smiles, and the few of you totally unaware that you could ever do such a thing. Well to you I say, do something crazy, and you’ll realize how much fun it is. The feeling where your heart pounds uncontrollably and you blood begins to boil under your skin and your hands begin to shake. That feeling right there! Thats what I’m talking about."

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"Ah s**t, you sure he's not home man?" worriedly asks Harry while he's holding a roll of toilet paper.

"Yeah of course, he's been talking about his stupid trip to Cabo for weeks now," replies Jake while holding a carton of salt.

"Alright, well I got the toilet paper handled. I'll line up the trees first then I'll get his house."

"Okay, what should I draw on his grass?"

"I don't know, something that'll grab people's attention though. Maybe a swastika or a dick." Then the two go to work on Jake's ex-boss' house. After finishing off his toilet paper rolls Harry develops a better idea. "Scratch this weak s**t, let's give his house a new paint job. I got paint in the car from when me and Sally redid the living room."

"Yeah! I like your thinking."

"How 'bout we start with the windows?" asks Harry deviously. Then they begin to express their artistic skills on the front windows. In the middle of their creative designs, a man opens the front door.

"What the f**k are you doing Varly!? The cops are on their way you little s**t!"

Moments later the cops arrived and arrested them both. On their way to the station Harry looks over to Jake and asks, "So he's been talking about it for weeks eh?"

"Ya know what, what's the date today?

"It's the 15th."

"Oh, that's right. He's leaving tomorrow, the 16th. Silly me."

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"With great risks come great responsibility, or something like that. Anyways, maybe you shouldn't listen to me about the risks." laughs Jake. "Well, at least friends provide a shoulder to lean on. No matter the situation."

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"Jake, I think Sally is cheating on me," confides Harry sadly. He looks tired like he's been unable to sleep.

"What!? What do you mean? Why would you even think that?" replies Jake appalled that Harry has lost trust in his wife.

"Well, I glanced at her phone while she was at the ATM and I saw some pretty descriptive messages about things."

"Did you see who it was from?"

"No, but do you think I should talk to her about it?"

"Nah, it's probably just gossip with one of her girlfriends. Don't worry so much man. She's always been faithful to you, she loves you."

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"Friends are also people that will never, ever let someone talk about you in any negative possible way. I remember one time, Harry ran into an ex-coworker of mine and struck up a conversation with him about our last encounter with the boss. The guy kept going on and on about how I wasn’t a good worker and I only slowed the company's progress. Needless to say, that man eats from a straw. Was that over the top? Yeah probably. But hey, I stand by my friends just as they stand by me. I’m not saying all friends should go to that extent but friends should always stand up for you which brings me to my next point, friends never leave your side."

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"I can’t believe she went through with it. I cant believe she killed herself. She kept saying she couldn't keep living this terrible lie and she wanted to leave me. I wouldn't let her take my boy away from me and I didn't want to let my marriage just die. I tried to hold on, maybe a little too much." says Harry through tears. He buries his face into his hands and trembles with pain.

"You can never know about these things man. Sometimes it's just beyond control," replies Jake in an attempt to console his broken hearted friend. 

Harry lifts his head from his hands wearing a fierce look of determination, "I know she was cheating on me, and I swear on her grave I'll find out who the guy was."

"You sure you want to do that? You sure you want to remember Sally that way?"

"Yes, I'm very sure. That man drove my wife to death, he demolished my marriage, and he ruined my life."

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"The most important thing in a friendship is trust though. If you lose the trust, you lose the friendship. But if that trust were ever broken, true friends will get through it and will always forgive and forget because there isn’t a single thing that can hold a friendship back except one of the friends. I want you to look to the people on your left and your right and say, hey, hello, hola, or whatever it may be, because for all you know, they are your best friend. Thank you for your time, I’ll be signing merchandise in the lobby in just a few minutes." Jake finishes his speech and is greeted with enormous applause. He steps down from the stage and walks through a crowd full of loving fans that say how the book has helped them better their lives and develop healthier friendships. His agent guides him to the lobby where a table has been set up for him. A line forms and the signing begins. Jake begins to go into autopilot by saying "Thank you, I hope you enjoyed the speech" or "I hope my book can better your life." But his autopilot is quickly shut off when he spots Harry in the line. "Harry? Hey! I didn't know you'd be here. I would've had you up on stage with me. How you holding up?"

"I'm fine. Here can you sign this?" asks Harry as he takes a cell phone out of his pocket.

"What you got there?" inquires Jake.

"Oh nothing, it's just my wife's phone. Anything you'd like to tell me Jake?"

"Harry, we should talk somewhere more private."

"No Jake, I want to hear you say it right here and now."

"I don't know what you want from me Harry."

"I want the truth."

"It's not like how it seems, she was sad that you were so busy with work and..."

"Oh, you were just being a friend, right?" interrupts Harry. "I remember you saying something up on the stage, 'if you lose the trust, you lose the friendship.' Well Jake, I can't trust you. After all I've done for you, you kept looking me into my eyes every day and told me she wasn't cheating. Well Jake, here's what I've got to say to that." Then Harry pulls out a 9mm, aims directly at Jake and empties the clip.

Author's Note

Any criticisms would be much appreciated. Thank you.