Coffee Shop Boy

Leah is in love with the boy at her local coffee shop. Or so she thinks she is. She's too self-conscious to properly speak to him though. Will her love be requited or will she find her confidence else

My palms are sweaty, my mouth is dry, my heart is racing, my entire body is shaking and I swear my breakfast is going to come up if I don't calm myself down. I don't remember the last time I was this petrified. It's like the demon of anxiety has possessed my body and it's slowly eating away at my composure. All I'm doing is getting a coffee too. I'm standing in line to get a coffee and my body is cracking up.

'Are you right, ma'm?'

I take a shaky step forward as I realise I'm now at the beginning of the queue. Placing my hands on the counter and peering up at the menu board, I try to cover up my distress with a cool attitude.

Then I look into his eyes. His deep blue eyes. Those long eyelashes that curl upwards to reveal strikingly beautiful eyes that shimmer in the light.

'Can I get you something?' He smiles. No, he grins. Perhaps it's a smirk. Could it be that he's trying to suppress a laugh?

I've made a fool of myself. I'm an idiot. Pull yourself together Leah... For the sake of your dignity. 'Er... Just a short white. Um, flat black. No, flat white.' The words tumble out of my mouth without giving me a chance to actually compose them in my head first.

'Are you sure?' He's laughing. Sean is laughing. At me. His mouth edges up at the sides and he makes a sound like he's letting out a chuckle and his beautiful straight white teeth flash mockingly at me.

I nod and look down while my face swells over with a shade of deep humiliating red. I'm an idiot! A complete idiot and for a split second I consider stabbing myself in the neck with the end of a plastic spoon when Sean gives me the price and I'm forced to dig my hand into my wallet instead. If I drop this coinage or give him the wrong amount I swear I'll run out of this shop in record speed. Then I'll bury myself alive. In the desert. Where the camels can then feed on my carcass when I'm decomposed.

I decide to give him a five dollar note and not risk counting my change wrong. There's no room for risks in this place.

'Thanks.' He takes the note and our hands touch for a millisecond causing my face to burn and it no doubt turns into another lovely shade.

As he gives me my change and moves off to make my coffee, I move back and lean against the banister. Relax, girl. Just relax. I watch him swiftly move around behind the counter and my mind flickers off into fantasy land. Oh, this is nice. He's in our kitchen now. We're happily married, have two kids Bonnie and Jefferson; own three apartments�"one here in the city, one in L.A. and one in Alaska; he's a lawyer and I'm a best selling author; we own a BMW and a Lamborghini; his father has just become Prime Minister and we both speak French so we go to France every weekend in our private jet. Currently he's making a Bombe Alaska which he's going to feed me as we curl up together in front of The Notebook...

'Flat white.' Sean places the cup on the counter and then moves on to the next customer.

'Thanks.' I say quickly to no avail.

I take it and cup my hands around the sides as I think to myself that he just touched it. His hands were on this just before mine were and it's a beautiful thing.

As I'm almost out of the shop I run into Jen just as she's coming in.

'I said flat black. Flat black!' I say to her, still finding it hard to believe how stupid I'd been.

Jen laughs and it's not just a bit of a chuckle either. She full on cracks herself up with laughter.

'Oi!' I hit her on the arm and narrow my eyebrows. 'This isn't funny!' I glance over my shoulder and see that Sean is discretely watching us as Jen's hysterics project throughout the shop.

I grab her by the arm and yank her outside. 'Can you stop!'

'Leah.' She's still laughing but she calms herself down quickly. 'Leah, you have it bad! Flat black?'

'Okay, I realise this is going to be the most amusing part of your day but I would really like a bit of sense out of you just for a minute.'

'Sorry.' She wipes her eyes as her laugh turns into a bit of a giggle and then finally ceases altogether. 'Either you pull yourself together or go to another coffee shop. You clearly aren't coping.'

'What? I'm coping. It was a slip of the tongue. A Freudian Slip.'

'Okay, let's go.' She grabs my hand and when I realise she's dragging me back into the shop I fight her. I try to yank my arm away. I grab onto the door frame, I spit threats at her in a clenched-teeth whisper but when we're almost at the counter I realise I need to settle down or Sean's going to think I'm some sort of psycho.

'I'm Jen. And this is Leah.' Jen is still holding me so I can't bolt and she makes an obvious peer at his name tag. 'Hi Sean. My friend Leah here would like a job.'

'Well, bring in your resume and I'll pass it on to the boss.' He smiles and I'm burning. Burning, burning, burning. My face is on fire. Stop looking at me!

'Is there anything else I can help you girls with?'

'No, that was all.' Jen drums her fingers on the counter. Not a good sign. 'Actually. Could I grab your number? You know, in case we think of another question.'

Sean laughs. 'Here's our shop's card.' He pulls one from the display stand and pushes it towards us.

'You sure I can't have yours?' Jen leans up against the counter and smiles seductively. Hang on. Seductively? 'It's just a bit more personal. You know?'

Sean's lopsided grin makes my heart skip even though it's directed at Jen. He surprisingly scrawls down his number and hands it to her.

'Thanks.' Jen winks and then grabs my hand, pulling me to the door. I look over my shoulder briefly and notice his eyes are still following us out.

Jen pushes the slip of paper into my hand. 'Now call the guy.'

'How?' I narrow my eyebrows in disbelief that she would suggest such a thing. I'm still trying to get over the fact that she actually did that.

'Well, you pick up the phone and punch in the numbers in the order they're written on the paper.'

'Shut up, okay? I'm not going to call him. I don't have the guts to do that. Besides, he'll be expecting you to call. I saw the way he reacted to your confidence.'

'Then you should've asked him yourself.'

'Not everyone's as confident as you.'

Jen sits down on a bench in the middle of the mall where we've now drifted to. 'Leah, you need to stop worrying so much about things. That's why you lack confidence.' She tugs at my arm so I sit down beside her and she takes my shoulders and pulls me around so I'm facing her. 'If you don't even give this guy a chance, how do you know he's not a complete jerk? You could be longing for some up-himself prick and you don't even know it.'

'I'd rather long for the guy I've created in my mind than humiliate myself any further,' I mumble.

'Leah, come on. This will be one big confidence boost. Trust me.'

'Until I make a fool of myself.'

Jen rolls her eyes. 'Who cares! If you do then you never have to see him again! You won't ever know if you don't give it a shot.'

*       *       *

  My hands are shaking and the phone nearly slips out of my hand it's so sweaty. I feel like a leaf clinging onto its supporting branch on an autumn day. One gust of cold wind and I could float to the ground and wither away. So quickly. It all could be over so quickly.

'You'll never know...' Jen raises her eyebrows at me and smiles, edging me closer to this deathly plummet.

I had all day to mull over this decision and Jen finally convinced me. Now as we sit by the crackling fire in the lounge room with an entire block of chocolate devoured and a glass of wine down the hatch, I feel I might be ready. The wine was meant to relax me but my anxiety seems too powerful. I don't feel bad though. I don't feel completely opposed to the idea anymore. After all, what could I lose? Actually, I don't want to think about that.

I take a deep breath in while I slowly click the numbers on the phone. I put it up against my ear and my heart races as the dial tone flickers through my head. I'm almost wishing for him not to answer until I hear that deep, sexy voice speak, 'Hello?'

'Um, Sean?' I say timidly.

'Speaking.'

'Ah... hi. Yeah, I don't know if you remember but I met you at the coffee shop earlier today. You gave me your number and-'

'Oh yeah, hi.' I can hear him smile as he speaks and it makes me feel twenty times better. Maybe this won't be so bad. Maybe my fantasies will come true. 'Jen, is it?'

This line almost makes my breath get caught up in my throat. Is it possible to choke on your own breath? On your own words? He's not smiling because he's talking to me. He's smiling because he thinks I'm Jen.

I finally find my voice. 'Actually it's-'

He doesn't give me a chance to get a word in though. 'I'm glad you called, you know? You took me by surprise this morning. A nice surprise. It's not everyday I get a hot chick like yourself asking for my number. I must've struck your fancy. Maybe our fancies were struck simultaneously. Those jeans on you though. Well, those jeans were insane-'

I hang up. I pound my finger hard on the disconnect button and throw the phone on the floor.

'What are you doing!' Jen almost shouts at me.

'That guy is a jerk!' I grab the wine bottle and thoughtlessly fill my glass to the brim, slamming the bottle back down on the table.

'What? What did he say?' Jen places her hand on my arm and then tries to console me when I bring the glass to my lips and begin to scull the contents in a ropable manner.

'First he thought it was you.' I take a mouthful and gulp it down greedily. 'Then he said something about a nice surprise and fancies and hot chicks and the jeans you were wearing.' I say this so quickly that Jen takes a moment afterwards to process it all. By now I've gulped down the entire glass of wine and feel a little light-headed. I couldn't care less though. If I die from alcohol poisoning then that rat of a coffee guy can rot in prison.

'Me? Why would he-?' This is when Jen realises. 'Oh Leah, I'm sorry... I didn't think he'd...'

I shrug. 'You were right. What a waste of time. What a waste of a fantasy, hey? That son of a gun didn't deserve to be in my fantasies.'

'He doesn't deserve you.'

I pour some more wine to Jen's disapproval but she lets me go. It soon makes me sleepy and I let her know I need to lie down for a while. She gives me the couch and I stretch out on it, resting my eyes and feeling my head spin, the world before me slowly coming to a rest. Jen throws a blanket over me and tucks it down the sides. What a good friend. What a nice end to a rotten day. What a rotten guy. Sean. What sort of a name is that anyway? It's not even phonetically correct...

*       *       *

  Jen and I walk towards the coffee shop. I'm dying for caffeine. My head is aching from last night, I'm grumpy and I need a strong espresso to get me through the day.

'Are you sure about this? You don't want to go elsewhere?' Jen asks me as we approach the entrance.

'I'm sure. I just want a coffee, okay?'

We go inside and I walk up to the counter. My shoulders are back, my eyes are fiercely locked on Sean and I have absolutely no signs of anxiety.

He looks at Jen as we stand before him and he smiles. There's a hint of confusion in his smile though and he scratches his head. 'Hey, you didn't call me last night, did you? It's just that-'

'Oh, we called you.' The second I speak his eyes flicker on me and his smile disappears. 'No, I mean, I called you. I put aside my anxiety and I called you. It was me you were talking to, bucko. It was me you were drooling over my best friend to and believe me, I did not need to hear all that shallow babble. You're a tool.' My voice is suddenly raised above acceptable inside volume and everyone in the shop suddenly turns to view the spectacle. 'You're a complete idiot and any girl that wishes to pursue anything with you must have their brains twisted into a pretzel because you're an insensitive sleaze bag.'

'Okay Leah, let's go...' Jen is sounding quite desperate to leave but I have one more thing to do. I grab a coffee that the lady beside me has just bought and throw the contents over his clothes.

'Ouch!' He jumps back and tries to pull his clothes now dripping with coffee away from his skin. They must be burning. I smile. He narrows his eyebrows. 'Are you psycho?' 

'Enjoy your dead end coffee job.' I snarl as Jen apologetically hands the old lady beside me some loose change and drags me from the shop.

'Leah!' Jen hits me on the arm. She can't hide it though. A smile escapes through her look of disapproval. 'Geez, Leah. Do you realise what you just did?'

A feeling of complete satisfaction suddenly washes over my entire body. I smile. I know what I've done. 'You were right, Jen. That guy was good for my confidence.'