A letter to my father

Just somethings I never really said, or simply should have said more.

A Letter To My Father

Hey dad, 

October 4th currently takes place as the hardest day of my life. When you were alive I often found myself struggling to understand the concept of death. I know we all have to face it, and I do not fear it- I just couldn't imagine it for you or mother. Now the time is here, where I am no longer given the chance to walk with you, and I won't lie, I was angry at you for a while. You promised me graduation, you promised me a send away for college, and even to be there for my wedding. At times we fought because I was too much like you- I was your splitting image. From my height to the way I walk, and even to my anger. 

As I grew more and more my illusions of you were not broken but recreated. You were the man that fought to have me in your life, to raise me and make sure I grew up well. You wanted the many dreams you missed out on to be used as lessons to make sure that I kept moving along well to reach my goals. At times I didn't understand your methods, and sometimes I down right hated them- Though they're starting to make more sense now. You had standards for me, you were proud of me, and you always wanted to find a reason to brag about me. 

I have never thought of myself as weak, when I am knocked down I am ready to jump back up again... but this... 

I have never felt so weak, out of body, and lost. This house, my name, what I stand for- It all flutters back to you in some form or fashion. Even as I type this, something in me can't fully understand your death. It feels as if I am waiting to wake up from some distant dream or maybe some joke in which you'll appear with your iconic laugh to say 'got ya'. 

I guess it's also good for you to know that mother is doing well, she's managing. She mentions you a lot, and I have to realize that her world was built around you for 17 years. She has to change her routine and she looks exhausted, but I will keep her strong. She and I just finished applying for my universities together, and don't worry... my rank and GPA aren't suffering and I am still where you died knowing I'd be. 

We cleaned the whole house today, but knowing you... you'd still be able to go behind us and make it cleaner. The whole time Mother was teary eyed but she didn't cry. We are making it mentally, and we are surviving physically. Well I have to top this off, it's starting to sound even more like a ramble than I intended. Just know we are still doing as we should, and that we love you and it will never change. 

Still managing to live, 

                               ~Kyou~ 

Author's Note

Sorry if it's a mess, just wanted to do something with all these feelings and thoughts.

Reviews

[Agyani]

Hey Kyou
Don't apologize for writing such a thing (I'm referring to your author note). There is writing, and there is sharing. This is something you shared, and we will all heed it with care and respect.
I hope you get into the university you want. :)