Love Kills Slowly

When your Talking to me
your talkin like i just a friend
when you know i want more
when you talk to her
it cuts me deeper everyday
i know for sure that you love her more

I get hugs
she gets kisses
next thing you know
she's the next new mrs. oh you
this is why i cry at night
 this is why i die
every night that
you talk to me
you're killin me slowly babe
 love kills slowly baby
you're killin me slowly
love kills slowly

everytime that i see you
 my heart leaps
every time we touch
 it skips a beat
 i can't live my life
 like this
i don't know what
 to do all i know
 is that i gotta be
 i gotta be with you

I get hugs
 she gets kisses
next thing you know
she's the next new mrs.
oh you this is why
i cry at night this
is why i die
every night that
you talk to me
you're killin me slowly babe
love kills slowly baby
 you're killin me slowly
love kills slowly

Reviews

[Kaelyn Shea]

thanks stephen (especially on the name thing hehe XP) this was one i wrote along time ago it was about my best guy friend and i have to admit i kinda wrote it to piss him off cuz he told my parents i was depressive and they freaked so i wrote that then felt really bad about it so yeah... love ya
me

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Kaelyn Shea (There, I did it xD),

Thank you for sending the read request and it's very appreciated. Well, all I can say is... really... emotional. Let me share with you some of my "pearls of wisdom" about love and life: Life is a newspaper and love is just one of the small headlines in it. Well, "relationship" and "marriage" love, that is. Anyways, this is about your poem, not philosophy. xD I can agree that it's very lyrical but it has a lot of grammatical errors that may make the reader distracted or even repulsed as they read the poem. Use grammar! D:< It is your friend... Like for the first stanza, "When you're talking to me, you're talking like I'm just a friend. When you know I want more than friendship, when you're down there talking to her. It cuts me deeper every day. I know for sure that you love her more." I noticed you capitalized Talking in the first line; if it's for emphasis on the word, you can always try a different method like ALL CAPS or bold. I love how you write with your heart, but part of poetry is using your head into the formula as well. I'd consider revising this and lengthening it. If these are song lyrics, make sure you add that in the reader's notes when you edit it. It helps the reviewer to know how to respond more overly with the poem. This is a very impressive write. Love 'ya. 7.7/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Kaelyn Shea]

thanks it is a song that im trying to get music to but at the moment im too scared to get up in front of people and sing it ( i write them but can't sing them) its about my friend who i descibed in On four conditions (Reed) its not his real name but the suicide thing was thats the main reason i started writing it helps me cope with everything around me!

[JustWantLove]

This is really nice. Flows like a song, sings like a poem, reads with life and drama. Very nice!