Solus

Inspired by a dream upon waking.

I have seen in my sleep

A hillside narrow and steep

Pine trees prodding at the sky

In forests limitless to the eye

 

This hillside led to by a road

That seemed to secretly unfold

When you needed escape from pity

Of the slumberous smog of your city

 

A curious construction on the hilltop

Out of place, a sign that seems to flop

By the entrance, blue and bright

The name SOLUS in neon lights

Author's Note

Not entirely finished, but I'm putting it out there anyway. The hillside described is a reoccurring theme in my dreams.

Reviews

[Clockwork]

I like the rhythm of this poem and I think your rhymes are affective. I like how you explore nature and the natural elements that lie within it. You seem unafraid to venture into nature and make an observant commentary about what you see. I really admire that--it is a true gift which you have and it fills me with joy.

The only critique I have is that I think you may want to reconsider the word choice of "flop" in the second line of the last stanza. I think the rhyme is not that strong there and does not support the overall meaning of your poem.

The piece is strong though and I really enjoyed it.