I can't Be Bothered Anymore

This toxicity is back
My colour has ironically gone black
But hey I'll take my chances.
I'm sick in the head
And frightfully never dread
The worry of becoming heartless.
Anger and sadness collide
Wave after wave though I just sigh
Because I have small threads to hold on to.
I just don't want this cycle
To be the only obstacle
That occurs again and again.
Again...
Again...
Nothing...
Just fading into that chasem I hate.
Why? Why? No more crying or saddness!!
Make it leave me alone!
To know happiness,
To believe it...
I had grown...
But now I've been pushed back,
Why the f**k is that!!
I always wanted to be the one to help,
To provide the happiness all needed
Not the one to whelp.
Don't want to shut down...
Don't want to...withdraw...
Back to that sounds...
The ever echoing caaaww...
To pick up my own pieces,
Mash myself together with stitches...
F**k this...
I don't want to hear that hiss...

Reviews

[Simon Welsh]

You can't become heartless if you feel. Nice poem, hon.

[L4rn13]

Thank you. I guess it is just for now. As things normally go.

[Sheila Kline]

You truly seem tormented by the depression that is once again consuming again and it is not fair, it is not what one wants, ever hopes for but yet it comes and we just don't understand why! Chemical imbalance, life's circumstances that trigger it, past memories, just what some shall never be able to answer, but just have to painstakingly endure it!
Your words reek of the horror of it!! May happiness return again...again...!! And above all, do hold onto those threads that lead you back to where you want to be!!!

[L4rn13]

Thank you for your review and kind words. Yes I guess it is something that I'll have to wade through.