Fossil Mother

This is just a beginning of something I was working on a few months ago. It's the opening except from a novel. I'm about to start again and it just sounds wrong...clunky, poorly written.

Mai Ming tightly grasped the few scraps of cabbage that pressed against her chest.  Hearing the faint cries of her pursuers, Ming began to quicken her pace.  She ducked below the tangled undergrowth where a loose vine lay.  Her foot twisted, and the vine sent Ming tumbling down into the emptied expanse of the verdant forest.  Slightly dazed, Ming peered up along the wooden protectors that adorned her side.  The woods appeared to call out to her.  The soft sounds of ancient specters swirled along with the baleful gale.  Their sounds enraptured Ming, instantly coaxing her in delirium.  The voices continued to speak, gushing along the vast stretch of leaves, rapidly increasing in pitch.  Their words became muddled, frantically lost in the downward descent.           

What are they saying? 

“They approach.”

It spoke!

The voice spoke in a resonance undeniably hallow, rumbling its message in muddled obscurity.  Great lumbering giants, they simply sought peace, refuge from the hazarded machinations of mankind.  Timbered reverberations awoke Ming from her daze as she rose to her feet; hastily complying with their solemn request.  She couldn’t afford to lose any more time.  Ming began sprinting towards the faint recesses of light that dotted along the edge of the forest.  The path opened up, eager to spit out its disheveled intruder.     

Each glance became increasingly desperate.  How far away could her trackers be?  Would they continue to pursue her, all for a few measly portions of cabbage?  Ming silently cursed to herself.

I should have paid more attention.  It wasn’t safe to assume that the garden would be abandoned.

  Ming hadn’t planned on living life as a thief.  But her rulers hadn’t provided a sufficient alternative.

 It had all started with Mao’s victory over the Kuomintang in 1949; the Chinese Communist Party, or, CCP, established a new policy, known amongst elites as the leap forward.  Starting immediately, the government would seize control over the entire agricultural sector.  Individual farmers would share communal tools and produce for the country’s exports.  For fair exchange, the farmer’s payment consisted of food, shelter, and care from the government.  In allowing the government to monopolize crops, they could increase profits, which in turn allowed for further industrial development.  Supporters hailed the plan as an ideal solution to a growing necessity.  Critics either stayed silent, or were silenced.

Within the first few years collections were already drastically misreported.  The abundant harvest promised to the people never came.  The leaders remained steadfast.  It would take more than a few reports of famine to deter their cause.  To admit failure, only ten years in power could prove disastrous. 

Success became paramount. 

And could never be realized.

Not even a year later Ming’s beloved China plunged into turmoil.  The sporadic flames of famine had combusted into a raging wildfire.  Only the bodies of her fellow countrymen could quell the beast’s appetence.  Chaos had overthrown the government, instilling a brutal primeval code.  A merciless code, created from pure instinct.  A code that burned deep within the hearts of every man.  Survival.  In an exercise of futility the people took to arms, and attempted to combat their militias; only to end up as additional statistics.  Sensing a losing battle, the CCP revoked their naive policies and regrouped, content to watch the country purge.  They were merely children.  Old sand castles could easily be washed away and rebuilt anew.           

Within the Heilongjiang Province, weeks had gone by since local officials deserted the poorly built shacks that peppered the Songhua River.  When the promise of relief diminished, the citizens of Hegang quickly came to understand that their government had abandoned them.  They weren’t alone.  China’s countryside’s became littered with bodies, millions.  For over a year now, Mai Ming witnessed the atrocities.  Throughout the months her neighbors slowly dissipated from famine and disease, no amount of sustenance could be obtained from their undying loyalty. 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Just be as harsh as you'd like haha. Any feedback is appreciated. I'm concerned with overall flow, syntax, and if the author's voice sounds proper for the context, not robotic. Thanks so much for any and all feedback. I'm in a rut right now.