Sanctuary

I had an inspiration from Download music festival as well as a challenge who could write something better. The topic agreed was "A warm tent in the rain". We shall see... :P

The succubi’s wings unfurl
Shards of glass fall
Like tiny, frozen locusts
Scurrying as we scurry

Quick! Undo the zip!
Removal of our skin of mud
A solitary light stands bright
Almost burning the heat into us

The hydra of the music coils
Everyone else out there is the other
The long day clings to our bones
Fumbling in the dark

The light is joined by a second
It glows as we breathe
The chill evaporates like smoke
Wait!
Too much Cola
The door has to open
Scurrying
Biting
Cold
So cold
Rocking
Shivering
How can it take this long?
Frozen
The zip again

Sleep is always short and lifeless
Cloaked in comfort that leaves so soon
But we have won, the locusts have lost...
Sleep... Peace...

Reviews

[zainul]

Lovely piece.
Astro made it easy for me to understand the situation.
Thanks for sharing a great piece.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thanks! :D

[zainul]

Welcome! :D

[TL Boehm]

The succubi’s wings unfurl
Shards of glass fall
Like tiny, frozen locusts

Removal of our skin of mud
A solitary light stands bright
Almost burning the heat into us

The hydra of the music coils

The long day clings to our bones

So many stellar lines in this piece - wonderfully penned.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you! I thought your review was my poem rewritten at first :P

[TL Boehm]

the whole poem was a treat but the lines pulled out - i just couldn't get over them.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you! I am really glad you enjoyed it. It was one of the most heartfelt pieces I have written in a long time.

[Astro]

This is quite an attractive read Luke, I was once many moons ago a tree planter who passed his nights in tents laid out on the forest floor and fleeing from the locusts and the bite of icy winds. We lit quite a few of those lights like smoke in our efforts to shed the mud and warm the bones. I like this quite a bit. Good stuff.

[Luke Rawlings]

Your reply has more poetry than my poem haha. I am glad you relate. Thank you for an awesome review, fellow camper :D

[Astro]

I tend to wax poetic in most of my reviews, it just comes natural. Thanks, and glad I had the chance to read this one.

[Jo Todd]

LOL, no way did u include my mad dash to pee in your poem.
This is awesome loving the imagery and made me laugh. will have to work hard to beat you xx

[Luke Rawlings]

I did indeed, because that was the most memorable part due to it being f*****g freezing :P Thanks for the review, look forward to reading yours :D x

[Ohhhwillow]

Omgggg you went to Download this year I am so unbelievably jealous haha! I can image the mud, the dark, the coldness, thank God you finally got to sleep, you must have needed it for the coming day! Imaginative idea here Luke, I like this. :) But I have to say I do envy you haha. :p

[Luke Rawlings]

Mwahaha! It was amazing, a pity you couldn't attend haha. Thank you for the review! You'll have to come next year so you enter the challenge and try to write a better poem than mine :P

[Ohhhwillow]

Yeah I had f*****g exams haha. :( Slipknot man.. Ah I would have killed to go. My pleasure! Heehee I suppose I will, challenge accepted. ;) How crazy it would have been to meet someone from this site there!!

[Luke Rawlings]

It would be damned crazy but pretty damned awesome I'd say :P I don't want to rub it in, but Slipknot were really good. If they are touring again, sell relatives to get there. Seriously. Hope those exams go well too :)

[Ohhhwillow]

It most definitely would be, perhaps even a joint poem of the event could have came out of it! Haha I will be selling my soul if they tour again anytime soon! Thank you! :)

[Luke Rawlings]

A joint poem is a great idea, almost like a Battle of the Bands :P Hope you can make it next year then :')

[marty360]

Awesome writing dude haha!

[Luke Rawlings]

Thanks a lot mate! :D haha

[Shaun Payton]

Rocking! Haha Was I there? No, but i sure felt like it lol well done Luke!

[Luke Rawlings]

Thanks! :D

[Shaun Payton]

You're welcome:)

[Shaun Payton]

What was your favorite band?

[Luke Rawlings]

Rammstein and Slipknot were probably the best, although I didn't like Korn until I saw them live :D. Have you ever been?

[Shaun Payton]

No I havent, but I here its one of the better music fest.

[Luke Rawlings]

That it is, it is really good! You should go :P

[Shaun Payton]

One day perhaps, i want to go to one when im old and quite wrinkled, just to rock out one last time lol

[Luke Rawlings]

There was a guy with a zimmer frame there and everything. You can do it! :P

[Shaun Payton]

Awesome lol

[Alone In A Crowd]

I like this, you've captured the atmosphere really well. Well done.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you! :D